After all this time, I'm still into you.

From time to time I have this recurrent dream. Some features change but it always ends up in me in the arms of this particular guy. You don't need to be a psychonalyst or freudian follower/lover to analyse such dreams. It is somewhat obvious. There is no deeper skin nor deeper meaning and it kills me to realise that regardless the transition of time, I still feel the same.
Yesterday I was chatting with a friend of mine from church about relationships. I don't have many friends at church and this gal is quite an interesting one even though we don't have much in common and she is a lot younger than me. I see her as my younger sister and she somehow always sees me as a role model but lately we haven't had mcuh time to hang out . We started by chatting about some of the, and I'm assuming more dramatic, current relationships' issues she is facing (how come a girl almost 5 years younger than me gets more action than I do? I feel like some old furniture. So not fair...) and progressively, in a slow pace and afterwards several and long descriptions of her romantic life, we moved to myself. I was updating her about some facts of my life in general - what I've been up to for the past months - and then when I got to the romance area, apartr from one or two events with that fella I talked about a while ago in England, nothing really has changed. I am still the same pathetic self at the same old place I was in since the last time we checked out with each other. It's funny, I remember her being 12 and asking me whether I liked this one guy and years after she is still questioning me the same about the same guy. When I tried to hide my embarassment from not having moving on, she said something as "There's always someone. Cut the chase. It's him, right?". Very awkwardly I nodded. Was I still into him? After all this time, after all the changes in my life, how come am I still into this guy?
All this came to me as a reality shock because it was nothing but the truth. Why am I not moving on as supposedly? why am I still chasing the same route when I already know its end?
The one thing I know. It's hard to let it go. And part of me may never do it.
When someone gets as deep to your skin as he did in mine and completely takes control of your unconscious mind and kinkery desires, it is hard to move on.
He is perfect to me. It  has been a really long time since everything started but my feelings have only grown for him ever since. I feel like I am in better place because I have more confidence but I am not still a pair to him. The only way to stop this trend is by ruining something I truly treasure. If somenthing was ever meant to be between us, it should have happened for a really long time now, right? How do you cope with this?

Love always,
Tommy



PS. I am falling in love with the bossa nova rhythm. As portuguese, I've always listened to Bossa Nova. But lately I've been researching more through spotify. For me, while listening to this, it reminds me of my childhood and happy moments. It feels like the warmness of sun rays touching your body while you let yourself swing through the blue waters of the ocean.  It's truly something, isn't it?

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Quick Update!!!

Hello bloggers! Just a quick update of my summer vacation back at home. I have been exercising a lot and doing some precious reading and writing a lot too. I don't have much time now but you will hear from me very soon. Stay tuned!

Love always, 

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Coexisting with happiness :)

Hello netheads and Hello August, what's up?

I am going to start off by saying that I just love August. My favourite month of the year for several reasons, really and this year, it feels even more special because I get to be home for the entire month. How cool is that?? :D

August is pure awesomeness. The one month throughout the year at which you can give your mind the unlimited freedom to be creative as much as you desire and cross out some cool and interesting topics from your bucket list.

Between the many reason why I love August this much, I must highlight the lovely weather and the birthdays of people I tremendously love as my uncle dede whose birthday was on the 1st of August and my very best friend Dave whose brithday is still due to arrive.

So, this is it for me, bloggers. This is happiness. I couldn't be happier. I'm surrounded by people I love, in a country I feel I belong and doing things that make me happy. I am really happy. The only thing that could make this even more perfect was to be with my siblings right now. But you know what? I am certain that in a very near future we're going to be all together again.

So, yeah, it's all bloggers. I am happy.

I've been going out quite bit lately, doing some exercise, beach, cinema and I have as well some interesting plans in mind to put in action. Wait and you'll see. In the meantime, Be Happy. :D

Love always,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Grab the moment ;)

Now, less than 24 hours apart from home, I'm getting cold feet. In the sense that I am leaving my gram who isn't in her best physical condition and getting my hopes high to these Summer holidays that may not meet my expectations. This weird feeling of butterflies in my stomach is due to the existent mind conflict between my expectations and what the future will actually bring.  Additionally, the abscense of my siblings will be very noticeable now home. It won't feel the same. Nevertheless, I will try and make the best of it, focusing on spending time with people who want to spend time with me and most of all, grab the moment and make it as memorable as enjoyable as possible.
Update you all in Portugal, folks
Stay tuned!



love always,
Tommy



"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exacly what you need.

Enjoying the good oldies is something I do very often. I just don't find the same passion in music today that existed in the 70s, 80s and even in the 90s. So here's my playlist for love songs for today. I literally passed through bipolar states (mania and depression) while listening to these :')


It must have been love - Roxette

Listen to your heart - Roxette

Still Loving you - Scorpions

Bed of roses - Bon Jovi

Believe - Cher

The shoop shoop song - Cher

I don't wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith

Falling in love with you - Elvis

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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20 Inappropriate Facts About Me

Hi folks! I feel like we're a family here with us hitting almost 30 000 views worldwide so I decided to make a fun post, exposing 20 innapropriate facts about myself. No one is perfect and I couldn't be farther from perfection. Thereby I thought to myself that you all should know that I am as weird as your creepy neighbour. Here are 20 facts about me which are a bit innapropriate:

1.I love children, in general, but I love them much more when they're crying. I find it the cutest thing in the world to see their face go completely red. So much cuteness! (a bit disturbing, right? bear with me, it'll get worse)

2. I own fake hair. Like 50% of my hair, 50 % of the times is fake, if not more. So I literally carry other people's hair on top of my own head. Yes, you're right, it's absolutely gross but no one should ever have to deal with my natural hair. It cannot be tamed. Try and have it for one day and you'll get me just fine. 

3. My fingernails are like magnets for dirt. I keep cleaning them and washing my hands twice in a hour, but they always find a way to get dirty.  While it isn't a hassle, it is a bit gross to see a girl with dirty nails. 

4. I'm always late. Whether you will ask me on a date or it important meeting to attend. Despite my trials, I always find a way to arrive late (Actually some of my best and worst and moments, happened because I was late.)

5. I am the worst patriot in the world. I mean, till this day, I cheat everytime I sing the Portuguese national anthem. There are a few words I am never sure of, so I just mumble them. (Give me a discount. I was born in country, raised in another and now living in a different. what did you expect?)

6. I eat everything until I get nauseated. When I really want to eat something specific, I'll do everything in my power to eat it as much as I can until get sick of it (which always happens within minutes). 

7.  I can be disorganised but never untidy. So if you see me study, I will have lots of papers on my desk, post it notes everywhere, open books, a real mess but you will never see my room or any of my belongings even slightly dirty. I am a bit of a germophobe so I hate dirt.

8. I am slightly strabismic. My eyes go squint every once in a while and this is very noticeble in pictures. 

9. This one time, on my birthday, when I was 9. My cousin and I were playing karate because we both attended karate classes in school and he hit me hard on the lips so pretty much 'till this day I have a small nodule on my upper lip.

10. I don't like to be alone in my house, so I just keep inviting people to come over my house or finding reasons to be out or I just keep the tv on all day long. 

11. I only own two pairs of jeans. I do have other trousers I use sometimes but denim jeans, I only have two pairs which is crazy for a girl.

12. I hate coffee. The taste of it. The smell of it. Everything about it. So, pretty much I have no reason to compulsively go to Starbucks as the rest of the world.

13. My feet sweat extremely and since they're kind of fatty, it's a nightmare to find pretty shoes to wear. 

14. I forget about everything, everywhere, all the time. I would like to have children of my own some day but I am afraid of what kind of mother I'll become. I'm good with birhdays and dates but everything else from keys to mobiles phones, food in the oven and even clothing, I forget. 

16. I like to see myself just in underwear but I don't like how my body looks like with clothes on. 

17. I don't like to share food with other people. Or personal items. Or even just water. I find it gross. I don't know where their hands have been at so I cannot trust them with my stuff. (I have been obligating myself to do these kind of things but it's still hard. It's totally unnatural to me.)

18. I am slightly agarophobic and claustrophobic which means that I start sweating and trembling as if I am about to be murdered whenever I have to a address to a crowd (more than 5 people) or whenever I find myself alone and get somehow closed in small rooms. Reason why I only have a few friends and only take the lift when I'm way too tired to take the stairs or the floor I'm going to is too high. 

19. I love other people's birthday but I hate mine. I like to prepare events and decorate. I love making gifts and trying to get in the mind of the other person to see what she would like to get and see big smiles when they get it because they weren't expecting it but when it comes to my birthday I just want to be left alone.

20. I am an introvert so I lack of any social ability to interact. If a person doesn't capture my attentions from the first moments, I'll probably won't ever direct myself to them, unless they come to me and ask for my help. 

21. I have a really hard time saying No to people. This feature has led to very embarassing and uncomfortable situations already but I still can't do it. I hate the idea of hurting someone else's feelings.  

22. I never pay attention to details so if you haven't noticed that I skipped number 15 and that I mentioned 21 facts instead, you're just like me. 
 

Ok, bear with me, I know you're a bit disturbed with these revelations but I also hope we're better friends because of this moment of true openness.
Mk is the one place on earth in which my feelings have a voice so I have no need to keep any secrets between us. 
Love always and stay tuned,
Tommy

After hearing all this, I doubt a boy will stick around for second date haha ;) 

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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