The frustration of knowing you can, but you can't.

As I am writing this, my eyes are getting slightly watery, my hands are trembling, my mind is getting vertiginous and my heart is at a faster speed than it can endure.
Passion is what keep us alive, right?. Hard-work enables you to go far and achieve higher everytime, right? Money does not stop you from achieving your dreams, right? That has to be right, right? because I don't know that anymore. I mean, I want to have faith. I guess I do have faith but I see my future fading away more and more. I want to believe in a higher plan, in the right plan, but everything seems to be going wrong... God has got my back, I know He has. But how does he intend to make everything better? Am I deserving of so? What have I done not to deserve it?
I don't know... I don't get what I did wrong. In a time like this, you need to look back, trace all your steps and movements and ask yourself in a painful honesty 'what did I do wrong?'
I can see how I could have planned things earlier, not much earlier because I did not have much free time, but maybe slightly earlier. I don't know. Rationally it wouldn't make a big difference but my mind is running different, happier, and more sucessful scenarios so all actions I took matter, right?
I don't know what to do now. I ran out of options. I tried it all, I believed in all, I worked for all.
The frustration of knowing I did all and am able to achieve all too, except that I can't have all. It's not for me to have it. It doesn't matter how much I want it. Or how hard I try. It's not mine to have it.
I don't know, my heart is full of frustration these days. My judgement is clouded with sadness and I don't want people to feel sorry for me or to attempt to make me feel better. Because they can't and I don't want to.
I worked so, but so hard for this, I don't want to sound big-headed, actually I don't care if I sound big-headed, because I worked harder than most everyone I know. I am so proud of myself. At least I was, now after realising none of that ever mattered, I don't know what to feel.
I mean, guys, nevermind.
I guess I won't be able to inspire people anytime soon...

yours,

Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Real life tips when writing your dissertation

So writing a dissertation is perhaps my biggest accomplishment to this date. Now looking back it doesn't seem as hard as I have felt it in time but I can assure you, it's not a job of one night or day, or week. It is a big committment which requires a lot of faith in yourself and your potential, as a researcher, lover of the area you work in and scientist.
My dissertation was on eyewitness testimony. I could easily bore you guys with details you wouldn't either remember or comprehend (not that I think people aren't smart enough, it's just area-specific terms), however instead I will list you a few things anyone should keep in mind when attempting to write a research piece of work.

1. ORGANISATION. ORGANISATION. ORGANISATION. Well let me repeat one more time, ORGANISATION.
The foundation of your work IS oganisation. If you don't organise yourself, you will find yourself struggling several times. And it is likely you won't be able to meet your first and most important deadline. Dedication was key to my work. I have never been as organised as I was during the time I was focused on writing my dissertation. I had a diary with daily goals for 40 days in a row and I have made an effort to follow them religiously. Not always was possible but due to it, I was able not only to write my dissetation but to proofread it and rewrite sections which weren't as good, first time round.

2. TUTOURING. I am a self-made researcher and student. I have always learned better by myself than in any sort of classes. I am not a good team member. I rarely agree with people and I feel pressured and diminished within groups. So it was a big surprise of mine that I would make a good team this year with my supervisor when writing this dissertation. Without the work we have done together, I wouldn't have been able to achieve as much as I did. He was impecable, flawless, all throughout, and I feel so grateful for all he's done.

3. READING. I guess this is an easy one to understand but not an easy one to do. The amount of reading necessary for your dissertation is proportional to the accuracy and quality of the work you will present. Reading really makes up half of the work needed to be undertaken. I can't tell you how messed up your head feels after spending days in a row reading articles and books. It is pure insanity, that is why, it is important when doing it to have some breaks to let your brain relax and oxigenate.

4. MAKE NOTES. Making notes is essential part of essay writing. When doing your reading you will find yourself struggling to remember all information and more importantly assimilate the crucial part of it, therefore continuously making notes on margins of books/articles and highlighting areas, end up being critical to save you time and effort to re-read paragraphs again.

5. PRIORITISE. It is critical as much as the others are. Your dissertation must become your priority, above your job, your friends and even your other half. For the time being, it has to be your everything if you want it to be an impressive reading work at the end of the day.

6. SLEEP AND EAT. Sounds perhaps silly to say but if you are anything like me, you will channel all the stress concerning your dissertation and eating, drinking water and sleeping will be at the end of your To Do List. However it can't happen as all of the above are essential for excellence. You need to have a good night of sleep as much as a good hot meal and constantly hidrating yourself.

I could continue writing about this but truth is, this is the most hard-working and empowering work any scientist can face and there are no short cuts when writing a good, logical and intriguing piece of research. Anyone can do it if they put their hearts, minds and focus on it. For anyone about to submit their masters dissertation, I know the deadlines are just around the corner so keep up the good work, you're almost meeting the deadline. Keep up the good work, geekies and Good Luck, y'all!

Love always,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Guess who's back!

After over half year without writing, here am I, unashamed and thrilled to be back.
Truth is that I didn't plan this. It's been longer than thought to be but I guess when you stop writing, coming back to it is a harder mission than you expect it to be.
So in a way of letting you aware of my ups and downs of these past months, I will attempt to dedicate a few posts to what I consider the most important events of my life. In a way of summarising it for this post, truth is I haven't changed much but my life has been nothing but change. At least I feel it has changed a lot. I have met people who gave my life a bit more meaning for short period of time and I have met people who have continuously given me joy for what I hope, a lifetime.
I have worked harder than I could probably translate into words, I have shown myself that there are no limits to what one's mind can achieve with clear goals and consciousness.
Throughout this time, I have dated guys and I have broken up with them. I don't think I have fallen in love. I feel that I have been close to it, once, but destiny had other plans in mind for me.
I have written an entire dissertation on a topic which turned out to be very interesting for me and managed to get that piece of work amongst the best of my course. I have made mistakes in terms of friendship, love and life and hopefully I have learned immensely from them. And most importantly I guess, I have taught myself that big dreams, start with small plans but in order to achieve them I must go beyond what the pen can draw and the eyes can oversee.
Truth is, it has been an amazing, hard-working, sometimes depressing, sometimes too exciting six months and I feel bad for not having shared it all here, since MK, is beyond a blog, it's part of me.
So, from now on, expect me around because, people, Tommy is back!

Love always,

Tommy



"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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