First of all, however, a quick update of 2016 so far. 2016 as I explained in my previous post, has been a very stressful year for me. Why, you ask... It is very simple, I feel that I am wandering. I fearing my future every second as I do not feel that I have skills or I am good enough to be hired as a professional of my area of expertise. I am not completely sure of where to go next and what I do next or even how to become the future person I see myself as. I guess finally at 22, I am having an identity crisis. I thought I had my life figured out before I graduated last year but it turns out, it is not so simple.
God, wherever He is, I am pretty sure he is testing my perseverance which makes me feel grateful for my stubbornness and blind inner positivity which do not allow me to conform or give in to a downgraded version of myself.
I would be lying if I said I haven't felt unmotivated and exhausted because I feel it every day. However I am not allowing myself to feel threatened by failure anymore. I encounter failure on a daily basis every single time I open my email and I realise I have failed yet another interview. However what these holidays taught me were that it is worth to wait for something better and I strongly believe something greater is coming towards my way and I am here, working and getting myself ready to embrace it.
At the moment I am attempting to concentrate again in my studies as I have three major deadlines coming soon, dissertation work to sort out, interviews lined up and PhD applications to complete and send on time. If for some reason I do survive April, I will surely feel very accomplished, something that I haven't felt in a way.
My difficulty in concentrating is obviously due to the fact that I have just returned from a week holiday in Slovakia and Austria, mostly Slovakia. This week was full of experiences, I wish I was able to express the excitement of these holidays through words but given that I am no writer, you will have to take my word for it. It had everything I needed. We traveled plenty, we ate plenty, we laughed plenty and we enjoyed ourselves plenty.
Slovakia is a wonderful, wonderful country that one of my best friends is from and I had the opportunity to meet her beautiful family who so lovely and gracefully accepted us (me and another of my friends) in their home and made us feel part of the family.
Experiences started from almost missing the flight, to participating in theme parties, shopping like crazy, being stopped at the border between Slovakia and Austria in the middle of the night and falling in love with an amazing who happens to love me back.
Not all have been wonders during the time I was there. My family has been going through a particularly harsh time. My uncle who I have known my whole life has passed away and my heart aches of even thinking about it or thinking about my cousins and how they are dealing with it, given that they are only teenagers. My heart aches of thinking of what I would do if such had happened to me because I don't think I could handle it. Ever. It's something my heart could never endure because I love my parents so much and I appreciate all they do for me every day and I cannot see myself moving on with my life without them... ever.
Okay... this was not meant to be a sad post, so getting back to sunny side of the globe. The holidays were amazing because I had the chance of feeling love and appreciated, something that I haven't felt in a long time, if ever. I will dedicate a post later on to our story so you can understand a bit more of my struggles and where happiness is steaming from.
I hope you're all okay and despite what you're days have been like in 2016, don't give up hope, because better days are coming. Trust me on this.
With love
Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
