Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the new "review series" I am starting here on MK. The very first review I wrote was for Lucy. Go check it out if you haven't yet.
This will be a quick life update. I am still in Lisbon, home with my family and no I am not moving back home. I know it's been three months already so people may be wondering if I am coming back but no, I have just been home busy and not busy at the same time, enjoying family's company and friends whenever they feel like seeing me. I am now 9 days away from going back to England and my chilled and stressed student life in Huddersfield and that is both nerve racking and exciting.
This summer has been one of the craziest summers of my life. No, I haven't done anything outstanding or crazy but my parents have. They got back together after perhaps 15 years apart and they are even talking about marriage (I suppose at their age people don't really date much, marriage has to be the ultimate goal, so they're kind of just skipping boring steps when they know each other so well).
At first I didn't know how to deal with this, I am going to be honest. It was too much to deal with. It was just out of this world for me. Unreal.
What the F are they doing? I asked to myself and out loud so they could actually come with reasonable answers to me but all they've managed to say was that it was nonsense to be apart.
Mum's happy so I am too, for her. I love my dad, he's been the best dad any daughter could've dreamed of for the past four or five years. Our relationship has walked so many miles and we are in a stage when it feels comfortable being near each other. I remembered having a horrible fight with my dad when I was in high school about my mum's about pregnancy of me that just broke my heart. And I couldn't stand being in silence. I had to talk to him and made him aware of how much knowing that hurt me. Anyway we have moved past that and now we're in a happy place.
But my point here was that dad's making mum happy and as long as he's doing, I am happy for them. The moment he stops, I'll be the first to take mum out of this but I hope I won't have to do it.
So we've been having lots of family time and it was fun in the beginning but I am starting to get sick of those - seriously! It is mostly because my family's changed. My sister, my one year older sister is married and lives here with her husband and his daughter, my adorkable niece. This has brought so many changes, I don't think she even realises it but it has. They have their own personal life and family goals and I am not part of that.
I feel as if because mum and dad are a couple now and my sister is married and they already have a child of their own, one of my brother's away and the other one has a life of his own life as well, I an extra in my own family. Like I don't fit here anymore sometimes.
Also some other things that have happened but I don't feel comfortable to share them with anyone now. It's one of those things that I know that if I say it out loud is forever told and I cannot take it back. It would also hurt a lot of people's feelings and I couldn't bear to do that to anyone I honestly care about.
Regards Uni, I've got my dissertation coming up for this final year. So nerve racking and I haven't had the opportunity to do real research yet due to lack of time. Hopefully I'll have some today. Uni is literally a few away from starting and I feel this year is a new chapter in my life as last year was. I honestly hope it goes well. I will try to work 100% and be the best student I've ever been. I really need to feel proud of myself at the end of this year or all of this was for nothing so I will try to be the best I can. I am also planning to pass parties and stuff like that. Last year was fun and all but that wasn't me. That was me experiencing and it was awesome. Did a lot of things that helped me to shape to the person I am today who isn't nor better or worse than I was better but more aware of herself as an individual. When you grow up with such low self esteem and confidence, your awareness of yourself and your influence over others tends to be blinded by your inability to accept yourself as who you truly are -flawed yet unique.
So this post wasn't as short as intented but it comprises well how I feel. I hope you are enjoying your Summer and getting mentally ready for another year of work,
Good luck and love always,
Tommy
PS. I've got more posts coming up about my friend's visit to my hometown, the VMAs, the tv series I can't simply live without and my stand-by love life.
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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