Tinder stories

Okay, you read the title and you are judging me already?

If we are to have an honest conversation here you need to stop judging me…can you do that?

Okay, now we can get on with it.

So I have been hearing from all sources of our mother web for years about tinder. Tinder is an app in which people upload their pictures, sometimes connect it to facebook, and then you, based on your defined sexuality, are able to swipe right for a person you want to chat with or swipe left for someone that does not make your type, all of them being geographically close to you so you have the option of ever meeting, if you want-

Now that we established tinder, here’s my opinion. Tinder is just another dating site and as with dating sites as many others made for hook-ups and unrealistic romantic folks.

Tinder is not my first experience on a dating site/app. I’ve been trying them for years in fact. In the beginning perhaps I had the goal of finding someone different who I wouldn’t meet necessarily within my circle of friends and acquaintances. I have even actually met one guy from a dating app (not tinder) and we did date, for a while.

However as years passed by, I became understanding that the likelihood of you finding a meaningful relationship from a dating app is near to almost impossible. The people there most of the time are real but they are shield by the power of the internet that enables them to say whatever you want to hear. It’s that simple…

Not to put any blame on guys here and it is not because girls are stupid either. What girls on tinder do (and not only) is willingly blindfold themselves so guys have little work to do when it comes to fooling them for ulterior motives.

Here is what us sisters and girls of this world need to understand before getting on a app as tinder.

1^st thing: 100% of the guys who approach you want sex. Let’s make it clear here. Did you digest that? Okay, I’ll say it again. They want to sleep with you and they saw a change to make it happen and that is why they approached you. The sooner you get into terms with this, the sooner we can get on with the best part of it.

2^nd thing: Not all guys are players though. Some guys though they are sexually attracted to you and definitely want to sleep with you, they are so genuinely interested in you. Are you surprised? It’s true. You are interesting human being with tons to offer so trust me , for me, it’s no surprise they want to know more about your life.

3^rd thing: You will chat with more guys who solely want to get in your pants than guys who want to have a real conversation with you.

4^th thing: there is also a quarter of this population of guys which will include men with double of your age, disgusting men who will forward a bunch of pictures of themselves, creepy creepy guys who will get overly attached to you when you reply to them once or twice, guys who will get verbally aggressive to you, guys who will say the most disgusting things to you, etc. etc.

5^th thing :1% if not less of all the guys who will approach is probably boyfriend material and even perhaps husband material. That is the good news. Have you not ever watched a video of a couple who met on tinder or match.com? It’s real. Many of them are still together!0

The problem for me with that 1% is how unlikely is it to happen. It is worth it? Sure! Yet so rare. While some people are fine to go through the trouble of meeting a bunch of no guys to find their yes guy, I am an impatient person and hate to feel that I missing out on life because of a virtual thing.

So the reason I use tinder isn’t to date. In fact, At this moment I have around 30 messages over there from different people that I have never replied. Tinder as the most recent and chaotic and known dating tool has become my new research tool. I am using tinder as the platform to get the answers for several of my questions of what guys will or will not put up with in a in a girl.

Check the next chapter to figure out the top things I have learned about the opposite sex so far.

Love always,

Tommy

 

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Brand new chapter!

So guys, you literally have no idea for how long I have been trying to get my thoughts down here. However for some reason the timing to do it seems never right: laptop is broken, phone is broken, no broadband in the house, etc…

Don’t worry, I hear it as you do, as the very strongly thought excuse it is. But bear with me.  this is only the tip of the iceberg of the challenge of ever stop writing.

Writing is a beautiful art. It is not for all, I never even thought it was for me. It is just something that you need to grow into, a learned behaviour, that has to progress into love for you to continue it.

Thus stop writing which can be translated as the unlearning of all these skills that take years to master can become a REAL struggle.  The reason is simple… you no longer divide your time counting on writing. Writing no longer is part of your routine and thereafter it needs to be planned in advance for you to ever get back on it. And when it comes to fulfilling long-term goals…folks, can we just be honest and say that we are still trying to achieve our 2012’s goals? (can I get an Amen?)

Psychologically speaking, we are wired to divide our attentional resources based on our immediate needs and planning goes way beyond all of that. It requires a type of commitment that we are not all ready to make.

Yet, I am massive planner. I have a diary who would surprise an OCD person. I am the master of planning all things in this planet so this excuse does not stick with me.

The struggle of ever stopping also passes through the fact that you need to revisit the reasons of you were writing in the first place. I have always seen writing as an outlet for all these weird, bottled emotions that my teenage self couldn’t quite name.  Don’t get me wrong, I was a great teenager. My biggest sin was telling a white lie every now and then because I wanted my life to sound better than it was.

However, the older I got, the more ridiculous it felt to write about the same emotions because I learned how to introspect and deal with these feelings from the within. The problem is that now writing has lost its purpose to me and I can no longer find a reason to do it. I am no longer the same person nor is the object of my writing. What to write about now?

I could try poetry and I love reading poetry but I can’t write poetry. It requires this simplicity in understand living things and the inherent beauty in the world that I don’t possess. I am quite a complex person and can only translate what I feel in complex thoughts.

I gave it a try to writing short-stories in the past – I loved it too but I am no longer my 16 year self with a crush on a guy who won’t like her back and I don’t think I have managed to read enough books to commit to doing such a type of challenge.

However writing is essential to me, it became part of me over the years. It’s how I managed to reason my own actions and to find my own needs as a human person. I cannot abandon it.

So pondering on all this, I have got to the conclusion that what I want this blog to be about is myself. Sounds stupid to you, doesn’t it? But bear with me. Here’s the logic: I have never been able to write anything that hasn’t in a way been related to me. So, for a fact, all I have ever been doing is writing about me.

While this life of mine is not so interesting that deserves a self-entitled book, certainly has funny badass moments that will definitely make your days feel infinitely better! Being able to laugh at own silliness has made so more resilient to life and I am here willing to share my wisdom with you all.

Welcome to the series of the life of a muggle by own your truly. You ready for the first chapter?

With love,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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The frustration of knowing you can, but you can't.

As I am writing this, my eyes are getting slightly watery, my hands are trembling, my mind is getting vertiginous and my heart is at a faster speed than it can endure.
Passion is what keep us alive, right?. Hard-work enables you to go far and achieve higher everytime, right? Money does not stop you from achieving your dreams, right? That has to be right, right? because I don't know that anymore. I mean, I want to have faith. I guess I do have faith but I see my future fading away more and more. I want to believe in a higher plan, in the right plan, but everything seems to be going wrong... God has got my back, I know He has. But how does he intend to make everything better? Am I deserving of so? What have I done not to deserve it?
I don't know... I don't get what I did wrong. In a time like this, you need to look back, trace all your steps and movements and ask yourself in a painful honesty 'what did I do wrong?'
I can see how I could have planned things earlier, not much earlier because I did not have much free time, but maybe slightly earlier. I don't know. Rationally it wouldn't make a big difference but my mind is running different, happier, and more sucessful scenarios so all actions I took matter, right?
I don't know what to do now. I ran out of options. I tried it all, I believed in all, I worked for all.
The frustration of knowing I did all and am able to achieve all too, except that I can't have all. It's not for me to have it. It doesn't matter how much I want it. Or how hard I try. It's not mine to have it.
I don't know, my heart is full of frustration these days. My judgement is clouded with sadness and I don't want people to feel sorry for me or to attempt to make me feel better. Because they can't and I don't want to.
I worked so, but so hard for this, I don't want to sound big-headed, actually I don't care if I sound big-headed, because I worked harder than most everyone I know. I am so proud of myself. At least I was, now after realising none of that ever mattered, I don't know what to feel.
I mean, guys, nevermind.
I guess I won't be able to inspire people anytime soon...

yours,

Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Real life tips when writing your dissertation

So writing a dissertation is perhaps my biggest accomplishment to this date. Now looking back it doesn't seem as hard as I have felt it in time but I can assure you, it's not a job of one night or day, or week. It is a big committment which requires a lot of faith in yourself and your potential, as a researcher, lover of the area you work in and scientist.
My dissertation was on eyewitness testimony. I could easily bore you guys with details you wouldn't either remember or comprehend (not that I think people aren't smart enough, it's just area-specific terms), however instead I will list you a few things anyone should keep in mind when attempting to write a research piece of work.

1. ORGANISATION. ORGANISATION. ORGANISATION. Well let me repeat one more time, ORGANISATION.
The foundation of your work IS oganisation. If you don't organise yourself, you will find yourself struggling several times. And it is likely you won't be able to meet your first and most important deadline. Dedication was key to my work. I have never been as organised as I was during the time I was focused on writing my dissertation. I had a diary with daily goals for 40 days in a row and I have made an effort to follow them religiously. Not always was possible but due to it, I was able not only to write my dissetation but to proofread it and rewrite sections which weren't as good, first time round.

2. TUTOURING. I am a self-made researcher and student. I have always learned better by myself than in any sort of classes. I am not a good team member. I rarely agree with people and I feel pressured and diminished within groups. So it was a big surprise of mine that I would make a good team this year with my supervisor when writing this dissertation. Without the work we have done together, I wouldn't have been able to achieve as much as I did. He was impecable, flawless, all throughout, and I feel so grateful for all he's done.

3. READING. I guess this is an easy one to understand but not an easy one to do. The amount of reading necessary for your dissertation is proportional to the accuracy and quality of the work you will present. Reading really makes up half of the work needed to be undertaken. I can't tell you how messed up your head feels after spending days in a row reading articles and books. It is pure insanity, that is why, it is important when doing it to have some breaks to let your brain relax and oxigenate.

4. MAKE NOTES. Making notes is essential part of essay writing. When doing your reading you will find yourself struggling to remember all information and more importantly assimilate the crucial part of it, therefore continuously making notes on margins of books/articles and highlighting areas, end up being critical to save you time and effort to re-read paragraphs again.

5. PRIORITISE. It is critical as much as the others are. Your dissertation must become your priority, above your job, your friends and even your other half. For the time being, it has to be your everything if you want it to be an impressive reading work at the end of the day.

6. SLEEP AND EAT. Sounds perhaps silly to say but if you are anything like me, you will channel all the stress concerning your dissertation and eating, drinking water and sleeping will be at the end of your To Do List. However it can't happen as all of the above are essential for excellence. You need to have a good night of sleep as much as a good hot meal and constantly hidrating yourself.

I could continue writing about this but truth is, this is the most hard-working and empowering work any scientist can face and there are no short cuts when writing a good, logical and intriguing piece of research. Anyone can do it if they put their hearts, minds and focus on it. For anyone about to submit their masters dissertation, I know the deadlines are just around the corner so keep up the good work, you're almost meeting the deadline. Keep up the good work, geekies and Good Luck, y'all!

Love always,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Guess who's back!

After over half year without writing, here am I, unashamed and thrilled to be back.
Truth is that I didn't plan this. It's been longer than thought to be but I guess when you stop writing, coming back to it is a harder mission than you expect it to be.
So in a way of letting you aware of my ups and downs of these past months, I will attempt to dedicate a few posts to what I consider the most important events of my life. In a way of summarising it for this post, truth is I haven't changed much but my life has been nothing but change. At least I feel it has changed a lot. I have met people who gave my life a bit more meaning for short period of time and I have met people who have continuously given me joy for what I hope, a lifetime.
I have worked harder than I could probably translate into words, I have shown myself that there are no limits to what one's mind can achieve with clear goals and consciousness.
Throughout this time, I have dated guys and I have broken up with them. I don't think I have fallen in love. I feel that I have been close to it, once, but destiny had other plans in mind for me.
I have written an entire dissertation on a topic which turned out to be very interesting for me and managed to get that piece of work amongst the best of my course. I have made mistakes in terms of friendship, love and life and hopefully I have learned immensely from them. And most importantly I guess, I have taught myself that big dreams, start with small plans but in order to achieve them I must go beyond what the pen can draw and the eyes can oversee.
Truth is, it has been an amazing, hard-working, sometimes depressing, sometimes too exciting six months and I feel bad for not having shared it all here, since MK, is beyond a blog, it's part of me.
So, from now on, expect me around because, people, Tommy is back!

Love always,

Tommy



"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Isn't destiny a funny thing?

Isn't destiny a funny thing? I say this with a glimpse of surprise and joy in my eye. Destiny makes the most insanely matches out there. People who in a society-perfect world would never be brought together, somehow find their own way to each other in this destiny-mad world.
My best friend in the whole world is happy and destiny made that happen. Now I wonder can destiny take all the credit?
Over the years I have been very upset about destiny and how daring and reckless it usually is. Somehow it always managed to provide challenge after challenge in my life.  It always managed to get the wrong people in my life. It always managed to make sure I left hurt and it never gave me the opportunity to be truly happy. At least that is what I have always thought.
However, what my best friend's happiness taught me about destiny is that all destiny does is provide the moment. Yes, it does manage to create the most atomic chemical reactions out there, but it is up to the elements of it to take it as an opportunity to elevate their knowledge on the universe and themselves or to let the reaction hurt them and wreck every inch of them from inside out.
My life compared to a chemistry lab has been a continuous amount of combustions, one after another. Wrong elements brought together that despite the initial exciting reaction, end up anulling each other in a explosion causing nothing but wrecked feelings and unwanted hurt. And I suppose it has been my choice to let it all hurt me and damage me on the inside.
Sometimes potential dangerous reactions make the most beautiful diamonds, the most secure foundations and the most thrilling experiences of one's life. Destiny is beyond the Yin and Yang of life. Destiny is in nature, is in faith, is in our dreams. But we as doomed human beings aren't. We have the choice to take the good out of a bad situation or to take the bad out of a good situation. We have the power to make that chemistry last despite of what may happen around us. Not every dangerous element on Earth that we come in contact with is meant to hurt us. At the end of the day, the only thing superior to destiny is the free will and self determination of each individual.

Love always,
Tommy


"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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It's time to move on to greener yards.

Hey bloggers? Hope you're all fine and the world is beating you down too often.
Friday I went to my first party in ages. I don't go out often so it felt good to have some fun and enjoy the company of random people. The party was good, filled with dancing, cheering and awesome philosophical conversations. It also involved the usual drunk people and strange fights that end up in declarations of love towards another. Everything was theoretically perfect. Perfect environment, perfect dance partner(s) and perfect dance music. Yet, I found myself drowning in a type of jealousy, I didn't even know I had.
Ok, let's rewind a few weeks. I've been having the most physically and emotionally difficult weeks one can imagine. My anxiety has been reaching new peaks every other day and I find myself doubting constantly if I will make it and if I will ever be the person I dream so much to be.
In between surviving an average job as a waitress that constantly hurts my self-esteem, volunteering in a place that requires the emotional stability I don't have at the moment and working on my first ever scientific project which involves meticulous planning and attempting to maintain and achieve good grades, my head has not given my heart a sole moment to wonder about love.
All that happened last year and made me disassemble into tiny microscopical pieces was put aside for higher reasons and goals that the heart had absolutely no say in.

The madness of life is intact and I'm still surviving and managing all these different affairs but the action of going back to a place where worries are silly thoughts of the mind and love is the gear of joy, made me wonder where I stand in terms of love.
As you may be aware, last year after allowing myself to constantly be hurt by the same person over and over and over again, in an almost masochistic way, I decided to get myself into a brand new relationship with what I thought was a completely different person. Needless to say that it was all wonders in the beginning and as soon as I realised that I was dating essentially the same guy in a different body, all went wrong from there. I got hurt and he disappeared from my life.
Ever since then (it's been three months), I dedicated myself fully to my future self and despite a few interactions with guys, I did not take anything remotely serious.
Until this party. There is this one guy. He fits the type which means he is everything I should be away from. And that's what I did. I've known him for a while, and I realised the reasons why we clicked and got along well and I also realised how it would all happen because I've basically dated him (the type). So, in a honest attempt to learn from my past mistakes, I decided to concentrate all my energy into achieving everything my future self can be professionally and humanly.
No, I did not knowingly attempted to ignore him, I just didn't spend any time trying to know more about him because I knew that the more I knew the worst it would be for me not to get attached. So, by not talking to him, even though I did see him around uni and in the society meetings, I would be protecting myself.
Little did I know that wrong was done already. Last Friday at this precise party I saw him kissing some other girl, she was pretty and I realised I was upset and jealous. I could barely look at them without this immense rage in me took over the joy of the party. It completely hit me with surprise because I didn't know I had any feelings for him at all. I mean, I attempted to protect myself this time...
This is obviously stupid and again he fits the type and I don't want to let myself be hurt by the type again so it is good that he is with someone else, right? I just need time to process all this and move on to greener yards. In fact, it's time to do it.


Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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