Merry Christmas!

Hey everyone! I know I have been one crappy blogger over these last months but I couldn't miss this day, after all it's Christmas day. The day in which we not only celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ but as well the opportunity to be with our loved ones and make them feel loved.
So I just wanted to say that I love this blog and I love you all. I am very thankful for my family and my  friends and their amazing presence in my life. They're all awesome and mean the world to me.
I do not know what I can wish for because I have all I need to survive and be happy, even though sometimes I find reasons to depress about.
Life is great. Sometimes hard-working and mind-sweating but mostly great and just as much as challenging to keep me alert. So, I'll give all my wishes for you guys. I wish you all a happy life and joyful and holy Christmas with your loved ones. May you be happy and feel as loved as you deserve.

Love always and Merry Christmas!
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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20!

This is it! I am finally 20! and well...
First of all, I don't hate the idea of getting older but I don't particularly like it now which is weird as I used to quite enjoy it til very recently. Secondly, my birthdays are almost always days to forget and erase from memory. And even though this has started nicely (thanks for the gifts and consideration dave, Nicola and lithuanian family), I always feel something bad is about to happen ... Don't know why. I just do.
Anyway I promised to myself and more importantly to Dave that I would try to enjoy it so that's what I'll do now.

In case. I won't post anything till xmas,
Merry Xmas folks
May you all be happy and enjoy the presence of your family members and friends on this wonderful day. May it be joyful and spiritual as supposed.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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You are home to me.

This is the first day of the last month of 2013 and God, what a crazy year this was. So much happened. It was a year of firsts for me. After 2012 having been the year of major changes, I thought I wouldn't be experiencing any first experiences for a while. However, truth was that I did. I've grown to learn so much about myself and the world surrounding me and I still can't believe where I am today and where I was in the beginning of the year.
And these last four months have been a roller coaster for me. These months have been the peak, the highest moments of my entire life. I've felt myself fall in love. Not for the first time but for the first requited time. I've felt myself losing control of myself and my life and actually finding myself enjoying it. I've felt myself feeling just as much as good inside as outside and capable to do what would have been unimaginable things in the past. I've felt terrified and fragile but still not coming back to my safe place because I knew I had to go through this. I've felt sad, a melancholic kind of sad, the lonely kind of sad, the scared kind of sad, the nostalgic kind of sad, the anxious kind of sad. So many different kinds of sad that I quite couldn't keep track of all of them.
I've felt myself dreaming for the 1000th time and realising that reality not only matched my dreams but at some aspects, it was better for once.
I've felt the happiest and the strongest I have ever felt in my entire life. I've felt so much and I've hoped so much and I've experienced so much that not even drawing you, you could have pictured me.
And you may be wondering, what about now? well now, I know better what I want and what I am meant to do. Now I know better what kind of people I want around me and what I am looking forward to see in them.
All my life I accepted only what I thought I deserved. The problem was that I never seen myself deserving much. However now I know that I deserve better. Now I know that I can get more than what is available.
I want to be somebody's first choice. I want someone to like me for who I am and I want to feel free to be that person and not having to retreat to my sarcastic alter ego around them as a shield to protect me. I want to feel nervous and anxious because I want to please them not intimidated to express my inner silly self. I want someone who will appreciate my company and request it not only when they have nothing better to do but because they miss me and my presence would brighten in so many different ways and colours their day. I want to feel freaking special because I know I am and I know that I deserve to feel that way.
And at last, even though it may sound silly, I want to feel protected and loved like only home can allow. I want him to feel home with me as I hope to feel home with him. Each other's haven of the crazy world we live today.
So, for you single ladies and single men out there in the world feeling lost. Understand firstly that we are not lost. We're all wandering, in the happy expectation to find someone to call home.

Love always.
Tommy

PS. Of course I can't let the birthday of one of my favourite people in the world pass by! I love you Nini. I've loved you in the past when we were inexperienced kiddos. I love you today when we are no longer teenagers trying to figure out their place in the world. And I will always love you for the amazing example and beautiful heart that you have.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Eureka: I shall be the right person in order to find the right people!

Hi y'all.

Last night, I was getting ready for bed at 3 in the morning after an incredibly long and tiring week in which I was unable to finish any academic work properly or concentrate at any important matters, when I had a sudden realisation or what Archimedes would have called of Eureka, of how I should act.  

Thereafter, I am sorry bloggers but I don't come here to share my contentment  but instead to express what has been stuck in my head all week long but I couldn't quite manage to translate into words.

Some background info first: There's this guy that I finally learnt to like and after all the process of sharing one's supposedly feelings for the other, we seemed to have reached a deadlock - an impasse. We don't talk as much as we used to and we barely see each other now. Things are simply not working as I hoped they would. Whatever reason was, I spent all week cracking my brain to understand him and us and feeling terrible because it's got to be my fault in some way. At this point, I decided to move forward and let go of all of this. I was in such a happy before I met him so I don't think I need any of this crap in order to be happy.
That's why I hate getting attached to people.Once you do it, those people will grow in your trust and you will let them see you vulnerable and with no freaking shields when they go away.

Anyway, after an entire week of debating with my consciousness about relationships and the whole dating world, I finally reached a wise conclusion. 

It's not about finding the right people, it's about being the right person. With this I don't mean in any possible way that what happened was my fault. I don't think you can blame anyone for developing romantic feelings. What I mean is applicable to every kind of relationship you develop throughout your lifetime. We mostly expect and murmur about not finding the right people when we should be focusing instead in being the right person.

To be the right person means substantially being yourself and open-minded. Able to feel empathy towards another and learn to cherish their presence. Keep a positive attitude and be willing to learn and encompass your life knowledge with them. 

So, from now, regardless what happens, I will try to be the right person and not this crazy movie character that I sometimes become. 

Not too sarcastic, not too sentimentalist. I'll try to maintain things simply and think straightly.

I was just so frustrated over this whole situation whole week that I couldn't literally focus on anything else. However, I believe I found some sense in all of this and will try to make this experience teachable. I have nice moments to recall and I definitely learned important things about the dating world. So now I know better how to be behave and what to expect.

And I haven't given up hope in finding the right person. I have all these awesome examples surrounding me of how one can definitely find the right person. My sister, my housemates, one of my best friends, for instance. They're all in healthy relationships with their happiness shining brighter than the sun and all of them got there by being the right person. So I'll take their example and I'll try to be more myself and focus on all that matters :)
So yeah, that's all folks. Have a nice weekend! 

Love always, 

Tommy

PS. Last Saturday I went out with my good friend Nicola. Nicola is a Chinese girl who is studying her last year of management at my university. We met at drama and ever since we have been really great friends. She is amazing and I truly adore her! She is the definitely the one good friend I made this year.So, y'all, meet Nicola.

This is how I looked when I went on my date.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

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Not all those who wonder are lost.

Not all those who wander are lost.
I think this might be my favourite quote of all times.
I like the idea it carries within. That one can wander around with no direction but still not be lost. It represents many of my days. Today for instance.

PS. MY sister's birthday is tomorrow! May she have a wonderful day. She knows how much I love and miss her every single day. You are so special in so many ways and so talented. Looking forward to see you achieving all you deserve. I love you mana,

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Hey y'all! I'm good! :)

Hey bloggers and Hey November!
Hope you're all great and having a good time this month.
I know I've been quite absent around Mk and to those of you who take your time weekly to check what I have been up, I offer my sincere apologies. I have been busy and not much inspired. On the good side, I do have a few half written posts for this month that I may conclude writing up and later turn them public.
If you are wondering, I am good. Everything is overall good. Honestly good.
University has been doing its job to keep me busy with assignments; My housemates have been doing their job to provide me fun moments and emotional support thereafter besides MK that used to be the only place I had a voice, I now have another place. Don't you worry, folks though, Mk is still my perfect spot to shout out the world! :D
I have my depressive moments every now and then. We all do, right? and we girls, gawd, it sucks being a girl. You go through all these crazy moods during the day. You're happy, then you're bored, then you're sad, then you're depressed then you're having suicidal thoughts! How does this happen??
Anyway, many times I find myself missing home, my best friends, specially Dave and Leote. Other times, I just miss being around people who know me and to whom I don't have explain why I am the way I am or why am I acting silly or in a childish way. Sometimes I just feel like doing. I'm one big child. Always been and hopefully will always been. I'm a hell of a introvert who likes soothing songs and nostalgic moments. I am weird, take it or leave it folks! As simples as that!
Summing up, I miss a lot of things that are important to me and to which access has been prevented but I am honestly okay being where I stand now because all of this has been allowing me to experience a new life; the type I have always dreamed but never quite experienced. This world of parties and clubs where people are happily young, careless and naive. I don't hate it, I must say. It is exciting!
As I wrote a few posts ago, I met someone. It sounds weird saying it but yeah I did. It's a guy from Drama Society which I attend every tuesday at university. He is quite nice and we get along well. We went on a date and I really had a good time but then he texted me something that made me think something didn't go that well for him...
Anyway, I think I may say that I like him and he said he likes me as well so it is a good sign.
Nevertheless, we have some problems communicating that are mostly likely my fault. My english is still developing itself and I don't always make myself as clear as I should. Well, that's lie. I mean it is true but not the reason why we've been having problems. Every single day I realise how much I still have to learn compared to these native folks. But I am not quite worried as I have time to polish it as much as I would like.
Anyway english, just as much as my portuguese, is at its best state when I feel relaxed and comfortable. When I rather feel anxious, nervous and intimidated, both my thoughts and words are halfway cut off (I think I started feeling this way when I realised I liked him and thereby wanted unconsciously to impress him). Anyway, we're in a really weird position. I don't know how to explain it not even for myself so, I'm just making sure I am not falling for him because I don't wanna leave this really weird and unresolved situation for no reason hurt.
I've been reading quite a lot as welI but as much as I would love to say these books are related to psychology, they are not. I will make a personal goal of reading psychology/criminology related books next year. You should start revising your goals for this year and check what is still missing :)
So this is it, bloggers. Life is good..

Love always,
Tommy

ps. Check the photos below for a house party/halloween party that I had in my house a few weeks ago and meet some of my new friends

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