Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that.”  The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I guess I should say good things once in a while and stop this trend of negative feelings but I don't feel any better.
Don't feel bad for me I'm used to this. From time to time, I feel this way. Deep inside I think I never stop feeling this way, luckily sometimes I have more important stuff covering it, which is good I think.
When I was little I used to go my momma's bed and lay down there right close her waiting for her asleep and warm hug and then the whisper: 'it's okay darling, try to get some sleep now'. 
Other times I just ran onto my sister's bed and she'd say something different but with the same goal: 'Always the same Tomazia. All right, you can sleep here but try not smash or push me out bed, okay?', I just nodded and we both fell asleep in less than a minute and she'd eventually, fell out of bed .
I've always had them right there to make it okay, so being such a weirdo was never that bad. 
Now, though they're still with me, they're fairly more distant and have to fight my own demons and battles what's becoming a major concern of me. I dunno what, but there's definitely something really wrong with me. I'm just too different in every single way imaginable. It's okay to be different but maybe if you're too different there's something repressed  in your unconscious mind since your childhood that is keeping apart from the world, according to Freud. I have to figure out what's wrong with me and get rid of it and maybe someday I can just fit naturally and maybe who knows find my happiness there.


Love always,
PS. Just finished my 3rd reading in two months. This is really a record to me. And this last book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, has turned my favourite of all times. I can really relate to Charles. I feel the same way he does. If you are looking for a book to read, I recommend this one. xxx




"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Tommy.