The Truth About Love Funny how the heart can be deceiving More than just a couple times Why do we fall in love so easy? Even when it’s not right
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
I have to stop being so silly and naive. The fact I care about people, doesn't mean they feel the same way about me. It's always the same, I should know this, by now, but my silliness always makes me get surprised.
I'm the silliest girl for believing, for trying hard, for not losing hope in something is already a lost case.
I'm so stupid and silly and naive and fragile and sentimental. Sometimes it really sucks being a wallflower and not finding someone who understands you.
You really hurt me this time, I'm sure you don't understand how deeply, but you did and now I'm done.
Hi people, how everyone's doing today?
Well, I've been good, I think. It feels good to be back home and get to spend christmas and all the other days bewteen it and New year's eve day with my family. I'm also thankful for seeing my friends.I apologize for not posting in a while. I've been looking after some kids so I haven't had much time to go in the computer. Last night, I made a decision and I'm struggling if it was the right thing to do, though I deeply know it probably was.
Please bloggers, pray for me, I feel so insecure.
Love always,
Christmas' day is almost done and I really hope you had a Wonderful Christmas with your folks celebrating the magic of this superb day. It's Jesus Christ day, is a family day, is a happy day. Hope you all enjoyed it.Mine was perfectly fine, as always,
So, my birthday this year wasn't a disaster. It was different, good different. And I think I'll adopt this positive attitude for next birthdays. I learnt so much today. Really. I always wanted to spend my birthday with my friends but I learnt spending with your folks, specially if your father share his birthday with you, is even more important.
And here it is, that old same feeling is here again. So many hopes and fears and desires and disappointments all mixed together in a single day a year, when all right is wrong and all good is bad. I'm already feeling it, I don't know why. I hate this day. I most certainly do and wait anxiously, eagerful all year for it.
I'm trying not to tear apart. Not this year. Not again. Off to bed. I don't want to think about this. There's so much rage in my heart and I feel so sad, why do I feel this way? dunno. Anyway, I'm gonna put myself together and sleep. I want to provide a happy birthday to my daddy, he deserves so. He turned 50 today. Such an amazing age and I'm so proud of him and us and how far we've taken our relationship into this almost past year. Today I want to celebrate this for him, for us.
So, to begin with, I'll fall asleep listening to my favourite song.
You guys have a nice day and I'll try to have one.
Love always,
Tommy
Well, that's it. My journey as an 18 year old teenager girl has almost finished. It was such a hard age in a such a difficult and emotional year. I don't like my birthday. I never did and I don't think I ever will. I'm just hoping to have the day everyone hopes I have so that they're happy and I'm happy they're happy for me.
I tend to highlight all kind of bad days and bad things that happen to me around here, nevertheless, today for a change, I wwould like to emphasize an amazing day. I had a blast hanging out today with my bitches. They're adorable and funny and we have so much in common. - it's crazy!!! I kind of forgot that and today I was able to remember. I truly adore them and today was definetely a day to remember.
You know those days when should've never left home or have access to your email or have contact with anyone. I'm in one of those. Just discovered I had a pretty bad grade at one of my assignments. Lost my favourite beret, what makes two of them lost in less than 3 days. Forgot to do something very important that will not allow Stephanie to spend Christmas with her mom.And to finish, I'll have the crowdest Christmas ever because some cousins and aunties are coming from Angola to spend the holidays here.
I seriously feel like crying after this day. I only did crap all day and received bad news. I've messed it all. I f* everything around. Everyhting I managed to get, I ruined. I mean this day couldn't get worse, I said that earlier this morning and funny fact, it did, much much worse. Moreover the "every year depression" I experience on the prior days and the day of my birth, is arriving so I feel like I just got a punch on my face and honestly, I feel like I deserved it. It's all my stupid fault.
I'm so freaking mad at myself. Seriously, I can only recall feeling this way when I failed at my first IELTS exam and that day I prayed not to feel that way ever again. And here I am, back again.
I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I want to reduce myself to my insignificance and not to feel anything for a while. Just to clear my mind.
I had a completely different post planned. So much happier, so much deeper. And then, all this happened today. That's why I'm always so afraid of being happy. Everytime I feel a little bit of happiness, there's something that takes it from me and replaces it with insecurity and sadness and rage, so much rage.
Love always,
Tommy.
"There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13 I just want to highlight the enormous act of love from this teacher, Ms Victoria, who died protecting and hiding his students from a lunatic, insane and instable man who murdered several people on December, 15th, many of those, children. She wasn't the only to do it. Furthermore the School director and school psychologist did it. My prayers and thoughts to all who experienced and got injured and lost a family member in this tragedy. And as well,to all Americans who are now facing another big tragedy.
The Hobbit. What an extraordinary movie and with the best company of my 50 shades bestie (He's such a weird person, with so many personalities. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with him. And that's probably why I like him so much he gives me always the best of the hardest times.), it becomes an incomparable experience. It was a fantastic night. I hope he enjoyed as much as I did.
And Yes, I'm home. Back to my homeland, the place I proudly call home and seem to fit (sometimes) undoubtly.
4 days to my 19th birthday and 6 days to Christmas eve!!!! I'm so excited and a bit sad. It's weird coming back home and not seeing my sister. I really miss her. I'm trying to contend this feeling as much as I can and not to cry in a such a happy season, but it's hard, you know. Deep down I just know she needs me more than anything as I need her more than anything.
“O valor das coisas não está no tempo que elas duram, mas na intensidade com que acontecem. Por isso existem momentos inesquecíveis, coisas inexplicáveis e pessoas incomparáveis.”(Fernando Pessoa).
I love you Freddie for giving such a great moment to always remember. I love you Dave in a way I wish I could explain by words for being the person I need you to be. I know I say it way too many times, but I need you to know it and you know, there are things that must be said and not written. E que venham mais memórias semelhantes.
Off to bed now. Gotta be up in 4 hours :/
Hey weirdos! What's up?
I just came across this video on youtube (link below) and turns out santa claus is a paedophile haha
Anyways, it's late and I'm not functioning very well as usual. Gonna sleep now. You too have a wonderfiul night and day tomorrow. And remember, you better watch out. Santa is watching you sleeping :p http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z0Mm18VhoU
PS. 10 days to Christmas Eve, the actual Christmas day in my house lol
I just love Christmas, don't you?
Hey peeps, just to let you know that 'we' have reached the top 3 in the countdown 'festive holidays' and top 10 in the birthday countdown.
Lately I've been watching online the tv series 'Don't trust the B* in the apartment 23'. Well if you haven't watched yet, I must say it's hilarious lol
and by the way, I already started packing. What have you guys been up to?
Stephanie performed last night at the Hunslet club. Such a little star.
Hey folks!
How you doing today? Just to say that I'm officialy on vacation since I submitted a little bit ago my very last piece of written work. Uffa... what a relief. I was dying with so much to do. But well now it's all done. Now I can focus on my reading and something else I can't say yet.
Have a nice day xxx
Love always,
Tommy
Dunno if I'm just feeling blue and tired or disappointed and sad, really really sad or all them in a row. I thought I'd be trilled with all this, and I swear I'm thankful and happy, just not trilled... it looks like there's something still missing. I really miss my sister, she'd say I'm stupid and that would make everything so much better.
Hold on tight love. Everything will be better. Soon.
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
Wallflower: a type of loner. seemingly shy folks who no one really knows. often some of the most interesting people if one actually talks to them.
PS. I'm struggling not to go watch this movie. The book is just so wonderful and pleasant and such an easy reading, that I'm afraid the movie won't a fair representation of this little masterpiece of reading... I don't want to be disappointed and I really think Emma Stone is perfect for the play she's doing, BUT, BUT...
That insightful moment when you realize something you've known for a long time but didn't have the guts to see it clearly. Well, I had one of these back a few moments ago.
You know, some things don't worth the fight, it's not because we're not bold and brave enough or that thing we want isn't worthy, sometimes it's not for us, it's not our fight and as much as we fight for it, it will never be, it's not meant to be and we should accept it, the end.
Just to say that and to check how you sneaky ninja bloggers are doing today. I've been feeling sick again, bla bla bla, same old story, and I seriously don't know how to deal with these negative temperatures. I'm freezing here....9days left.
Love always,
Tommy
PS. This was an exhausting year and Christmas is coming so I thought I could start sharing some scriptures with you pals and place some tenderness in your hearts so that 2013 can be the year we all aim to be. So, today's scripture is the following:
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
I'm feeling so exhausted. Yesterday in instance was a completely mess, my eletricity was accidentally cut and I had to call to milion places to demand an explanation. But then, when finally I was talking to the right person in the right department, right in the middle of our conversation when I providing my data and address, my phone ran out battery and shut down. Later the same happened to my laptop portugal phone. A completely disaster..
So yesterday I went to my other aunt's house to crash for a night, charged all my technology and today in the morning, I resolved this mixed up. Unfortunately, I'm staying a few more days at my aunt's becuase it will take at least a couple of days for them to fix the problem, and until then, internet only at uni.
I would love to keep writing and tell all the other dramas, but I'm feeling so tired and sleepy, barely can keep my eyes open, so it's better to focus on this last assignment.
Anyhow, 12 days left bloggers.
Hey peeps, just finished watching the Lorax, great movie by the way, but what really caught my attention was how subtly they passed the message. As simple as: Do something, Let it grow. Another cartoon masterpiece. Love always, Tommy 14 days left. "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,Nothing is going to get better. It's not" Dr. Seuss
It's funny when someone is as important to you as you are, the words seem insufficient. I wish I could explain how I miss the times when you, me, Hortencia and Van, spent all day fooling around carefree. Not worring about anything. Focusing on our dancing career and boys and having enough money every single day to buy sweeties and lunch at the chinese restaurant close to school. And how we love wednesdays and did the same ritual every single one of them.
I know it's a while and I should move forward and accept we lost touch with each other and that beautiful friendship means nothing now, but I can't. I hate the fact that these last 4 years the four of us didn't hang out even once and Hortencia and Vanessa are mad at each other for reason I've been willing to understand but I don't. And I don't want to interfere with our currently separated lives: me in the UK, Hortencia in Brazil, Vanessa in the music industry singing as she always wanted, you studying hotel management in Estoril. Anyway, we've grown apart and it will keep on this trend but I want some years from now we can get together, chat and have that same carefree fun we used to have. When I recall all these moments and how I used to be, that shy self conscious little girl and you so similar to me and Hortencia and Van so outdoorsy and chattie.
We were a fortress, united by the sisterhood ties, back then and I wish some day we may have a little of that heaven again.
I know I've shared this video like a million times. BUT, this was one the happiest moments in my life. We repeated this 3 times for the entire school that day, this was the last one and we were so damn tired. And the last chroreography that I'm so proud of, me and sister did it together at home (The truth is the two of us and Medji did all the choreographs alone and then we taught the others) and the music 'I believe' from the movie 'Honey' in background that meant so much to us because we did really believe we could do achieve whatever we wanted. And just a thumb up for Alfredo, the guy with the red sweater. He's such a great dancer but he's 'I don't care atittude' is even better. I'm the one completely dressed in black with white snickers. My sister's the girl with the cap on and jeans. Nidia's the one with jeans and white t-shirt and Van is the one almost completely dressed in white. Regarding to the boys: Medi is the best dancer, the tall boy with blue shirt and black jacket, Edu is the other tall boy with brighter blue jeans and Alfredo as I told before's the boy with the sweater. And yes we were a sort of black 'crew' AHAHAHAH. Gawwwd, I miss this! This performance happened in 2007, a while ago, I know!
From a 15-year old teenager who wrote to as an outlet to a storm of unknown emotions she used to bear inside of her, to a 23-year old woman trying to make it in a world that continues to deny her the best things. I am Tommy G. A fighter by heart. A reader by nature and a traveller by choice. I am not very lucky when it comes to love but I am immensely blessed when it comes to family and friends. I am just a girl looking for an opportunity in this world to make a difference without being noticed. Will I make it? Follow me on my journey home.
