Enchanted...

Hey you folks!

I thought I'd pass by and share some good news. I have received confirmation to volunteer in two major places: West Yorkshire Police and Remploy. Clearly I am astonishingly excited and I cannot make myself believe that in between so many, I can be a choice to anyone. So, it all came as a surprise to me and I am grateful for having this opportunity to improve myself and help the community. 

As being myself, it is more than obvious that I am currently one ticking timebomb. Every pore of my body aims for the satisfaction of doing a great job and for the first time not screwing up something good that managed to happen to me. 

It'll all be fine, they keep saying. You'll be great. 

Well, I for once hope they are right.

Aside from this, life is good. I mean, this is the reason life is good right now. 

I have been doing way too many assignments to be able to count them for you guys. Nevertheless, for the purposes of picturing a truthful image of myself throughout the month, I'd say I have manage to submit at least 3 long and exquisitely hard-working written works in the past two week. 

I have obviously survived the doom and I stand here to today to report how I did it. Just kidding. Yes, I am indeed fine and I hope you too.

In the Summer of 2013, I gained a slight obsession with reading novels by John Green. As a non-English native personna, reading in english can be quite a challenge. I have read tons of books in english by now but it is always a challenge. I can assure you that I can always manage to find at least a word whose meaning is unknown for me in every page. Of course, that does not stop me from keep reading it and most of time, to be honest, I just disregard the meaning of the word and jump to attempting to understand the meaning/point of the joint sentence. 

Anyway, my point here is that John Green compared to other American/English novelists and authors, he embodies his books with simple and yet beautifully combined language. 

I have been addicted to his books for the past half year. I have read Paper Towns, which if you guys recall I have loved tremendously. I have read Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I have started to read An abundance of Katherines a while ago but for some reason I have stopped - I'll get back to it after finishing my current one, which is The Fault in Our Stars and so far my favourite. I am enchanted by this book. I wish I knew how to grant it its magnificence to you guys but I am no John Green. 

I am half way through it and I have started last night. I recommend it to everyone.

What I feel reading this book that makes it so special to me is as almost compared to what I have felt when I first read the Perks of Being a Wallflower, which was almost 2 years ago (?). Now, I feel I can narrate every page of the book. Seriously, I've read it dozens of times and I still love it because it makes me feel understood and unique in a way that nothing in this world ever did. There is always something amazing about things and people who make you feel that way. They become part of who you are, just as much as your soul and body, they are you. 

Anyway, I have written way too much for a morning. I should hurry up and get ready for Uni for another fun day (please understand the irony behind!!).

Love always, 

Tommy

"Late in the winter of my seventeenth year, my mother decided I was depressed, presumably because I rarely left the house, spent quite lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my abundant free time to thinking about death." The Fault in Our Stars

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

BE THE FOCUS!

Hello bloggers. Well, it has just crossed my mind that some of you would like to know what I've been up lately. Well, as supposed to the plan, I am back to England and back to my current life. 

Just a quick note before heading to some cool updates with you guys: my trips to England are getting somehow better. Obviously I got used to the whole travelling system and luckily I haven't forgot anything essential for really long time, which definitely helps, but if you know a bit of me, you'd still expect me to share bad news or issues that happened while I was travelling. And well, lately, I have been happily wrong!

Anyway, coming back to my point, I am happy back to the UK and to Huddersfield. This town really feels like home to me. I have my family here and I have my friends here too. We all look after each other and support each other's dreams, so it is a really fun and charming environment to live in.
Today I dreamed I was back to home and it was kind of overwhelming because I had to go through the all "let's say our goodbyes while we have time" sadness for almost the entire period I remained there. I felt terrible having to put people through it again and I guess the reason I had to dream about it was to remind myself of how much it still hurts me - leaving and not staying. The hardest part of living a double life is definitely having to leave in order to live. Not being be able to stay or even to guarantee you will be ok.
So, for all my family and friend back in Portugal who have to see me leaving every single time, I am sorry. I am truly sorry. I wish I didn't have to come back someday just to put your hopes up and then slay you like a slave, but I can't promise you that.
This is silly but whenever I am going, leaving, walking out the door, I am always expecting for someone to show up and beg me not to go because then I wouldn't go. Because I would never leave anything who needs me. Anyway, it's silly. As you know I have been up to a lot lately. All this fun stuff if you like doing reports over and over again. Or all this incredibly exhausting stuff  if it's not your thing. I have also been trying to change the routes of my journey. Make it longer, make it richer. I have starting to fulfill my goals for 2014 by looking at voluntary opportunities and apply to all the ones that mostly apply to me. So I am happy to say that incredibly focused now. Me, myself and FUN. Every now and then my minds attempts to switch to love and desire of being loved but I stop it right there because I ain't got no time for this crap. I am, for once, the focus of my life for once, and I adore being it. 

Love always, 

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

We'll be fine.

In my first post of 2014, (it still feels weird saying it, though, I think I've already got used to it) I talked about not making resolutions for this year before finishing the ones I proposed to fulfill last year because I like the idea of keeping my word, especially to myself. So, Yes, I am still ALL up for it, however there will be some slight changes to the original plan in order to frame it into this futuristic reality we're all living in. 

Lately...well, some of you may probably know that already... well, lately I've been struggling a lot about whether should I or should I not take an entire year for a placement. The idea does not appeal me at all, even though it isn't a year completely lost because if you do good there, you may safeguard yourself a place in there plus no university accepts students for a master degree or will I be able to find a part-time job related to my course if I don't have any work experience to fill my curriculum with. So, after months of research and deep thinking, I have managed to find a solution that works for me and will still make me look  like a pretty good applicant for a master at any university in the UK. Drums, please..... A Summer Internship!!  (pretty obvious, uh? I'm such a slowpoke sometimes)

I've looked for a few already online - some of them are incredibly exciting and tremendously expensive - but none of them really fits my possibilities...On the good side, I've read somewhere around the web that there are some free or cheap internships that undergraduates as myself can find. So I'll keep on looking and I'll make one of my top priorities from now on to find a good summer internship in which I can stay for a couple months and learn retain loads of good and important moments from. It would be dreamy if  I could go abroad too. I'm all about crossing border lines. If I already know English, I am confident enough to go anywhere in the world (assuming I am accepted) and make a difference there too. 

Since it will be a short time internship, I plan too to do some voluntary work in the way. Learn as much as I can and make myself the right person for the right opportunity.

So, I am adding to my last year's resolution list: Summer Internship Program and Voluntary Work. 

Because all of this requires some financial stability, I will be desperately looking for a part time position as well as applying for Merit Bursaries (I don't know how they call it here, to be honest, but it should be something around that, right?). I just feel so terribly bad to think that my parents have to work their asses off because I have decided that I wanted to study abroad. I need to cross my independence goal off my resolution list now in order to feel okay with myself. I am an adult and I can provide for myself as well as make things happen for me the way I want them to be. As long as I keep being brave enough to go for it and hard-worker enough to make it last.

All of this is really exciting and I'm so happy to be sharing it with you folks. It is a great way to kick off 2014 for me and to Mk as well. May it be unique. May it be fun for all of us.
I may not be rich nor outstandingly gifted nor enchantedly beautiful but I must have something within me that is really good because I am surrounded by awesome people and they all love me (or at least, I hope they do). So, as long as I keep putting my trust on the right people and believing in potential, I should be fine.

I am a few hours away (a bit over 24 hours) from coming back to England and I feel both excited and melancholic at the same time. 

I can't simply put my mind into thinking that I won't see my family for another large period of time. And my best friend as well. I really love that guy. He brings the best in me and he makes me feel so special in so many ways. That is the one thing I mostly miss in England. When I am surrounded by so much excellence and talent, I miss feeling that I too have something valuable to bring into the table. He's beautiful inside and out and I hope he finds a girl who will be able to see all of it with clarity. But foremost, I hope he finds a way of feeling fulfilled doing what he does and I hope he manages to find love and meaning to the path he's chosen to pursue. No one doubts he's gonna make it because it is as certain as he is a good person. 

We'll be fine, dave. Trust me, we will be fine. 

Love always, 

Tommy

Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

la douleur exquisite

One thing I must be settled before going further on the subject is that my writing is always a retrospective account of my life,  So this is personal and most likely isn't significant material to be generalised.

Okay, having that said, I will proceed.
If I don't fail to remember, my first love was not so long ago. I'm still twenty so how long could have it been?

Honestly, with the knowledge I own today, I am not particularly sure whether my current love isn't my first love as the first time I had feelings for a guy may not be accountable as love.
The first time I've had feelings for someone was back in middle school.
Everyone had a crush on somebody during middle school. For me it was difficult because I was seeing all my girl friends getting prettier and having cute boys chasing them while I was... well while I was the still ugly duck me.
And I saw this boy, I mean this man. Wow, he was, I mean he is one of the most handsome guys I have ever seen. No one would have seen that in him, but I did. Because I got to meet him and talk to him and especially dream of him. So, I had no choice but falling in love.
There was no happy ending for us, bloggers. Anyone could have predicted but my mind. My desire of reality matching dreams for once. But that would never happen, particularly because there was never an US.
So, I have found everything ever said or written about love to be nothing but the true. The ugly painful truth.
Particularly the unrequited love part, there is nothing harder than falling in love alone and seeing the person you love up in the hills, never looking down.
I am 20 and I am no longer a kid. By the twenties people have had experience at least a bit of everything regarding love, but all I have manged to see what was the pain it brings.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Dear someone,

Every post I've ever written here is nothing but a bad love letter to someone I am yet to meet with.
I call them bad love letters because the good kind of love asks for nothing back while the type of letter I write, begs for some love back and the experience of feeling loved.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

The memories for 2014...start...NOW

I am starting this new year with a bliss of happiness and bravery. The old isn't past. The old should be celebrated and renewed at every possibility and that is what I want to make 2014 all about. 

I am not a kid anymore and neither are my desires for the future. I want to be known for my good acts and I want to be known for my still unknown talent.  I want to be somebody memorable, not a random self who anyone would instantly forget about. That is not me. 

In 2013 a lot has happened and most of it has changed me. For better or worse it does not matter, but the fact it made me who I am. So I won't say new year, new life because that ain't true. New Year, Better attitude, Better life. 

I am a happy gal and I have everything going on for myself. I am doing what have always wanted. It may take a bit longer to get where I aim to be at, but I'll wait for it, I'll fight for it. I won't give up on myself and I won't put myself down ever again.
When trying to remember 2013 all I can define it into is Love. In 2013 I fell in love again. It is weird when said it out loud but it is nothing but the truth and that is why I felt so pissed off all the time throughout late November and December. I was fighting against my feelings and I was fighting against the acknowledgment of having my feelings hurt...again... but it is  fine now. I am fine.  

You know, I had a blast last night and I didn't go to any party. I've always thought that in order to feel young and happy, I needed to go out more and meet more young fellas as myself and have fun with them not drinking and dancing as wildly as I could. 

However what last night has thought me was that fun isn't about being up late or drinking or dancing, well dancing is pretty awesome, anyway. Having fun and feeling young is all about the people you hang out with. I'm lucky because I get to hang out with my family and feel like that. While we were driving on our way to see some fireworks with a child and a dog in the car, not knowing exactly where to go and worrying about not being able to see some fireworks, we all had a moment of clear realisation, the type you share with everyone. There was a voice coming out the radio and the countdown had begun: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...5...4... 3... 2...1! the moment had arrived, 2014, y'all! 

And suddenly we didn't need any fireworks. We were on fire. Our happiness peaking up to the mountains. Our hands thrown in the air, the range of our voices going beyond audible and it was beautiful and I felt free and young and loved and happy, so happy. I felt infinite. Like anyone had just pressed the reset button and everything had just started over and I could be anything and do anything. 

You guys know that my favourite book in the entire world is the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and when it was all happening, all I could only remember was Charlie's words...And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite. 

So, for 2014 (Am I the only who gets chills everytime I say 2014? It sounds crazy. It is like we are living in the future.), I want more of myself, of my old new self. I want craziness, loads of it but sense of entitlement. Acknowledgment of who makes me happy and what makes me happy 

Most people know nothing about me and I can't tell for sure if I know that much about myself either, but what I know now is that I don't want any of those maybes anymore. I want certainty because I deserve certainty. The type I can get from the love of my family. If anyone likes ME, they better work their asses to show it to me because I ain't fighting for possibilities anymore. I deserve more. I'll put my standards high, my goals high, my offers to the others high and I'll only expect the same payback. 

I'll begin this year by fulfilling the goals I did not achieve in 2013 and only afterwards, I'll dedicate myself to drawing some new resolutions and making them real. 

I already love 2014. 

The memories for 2014...start...NOW

love always,  

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More