Just a quick note before heading to some cool updates with you guys: my trips to England are getting somehow better. Obviously I got used to the whole travelling system and luckily I haven't forgot anything essential for really long time, which definitely helps, but if you know a bit of me, you'd still expect me to share bad news or issues that happened while I was travelling. And well, lately, I have been happily wrong!
Anyway, coming back to my point, I am happy back to the UK and to Huddersfield. This town really feels like home to me. I have my family here and I have my friends here too. We all look after each other and support each other's dreams, so it is a really fun and charming environment to live in.
Today I dreamed I was back to home and it was kind of overwhelming because I had to go through the all "let's say our goodbyes while we have time" sadness for almost the entire period I remained there. I felt terrible having to put people through it again and I guess the reason I had to dream about it was to remind myself of how much it still hurts me - leaving and not staying. The hardest part of living a double life is definitely having to leave in order to live. Not being be able to stay or even to guarantee you will be ok.
So, for all my family and friend back in Portugal who have to see me leaving every single time, I am sorry. I am truly sorry. I wish I didn't have to come back someday just to put your hopes up and then slay you like a slave, but I can't promise you that.
This is silly but whenever I am going, leaving, walking out the door, I am always expecting for someone to show up and beg me not to go because then I wouldn't go. Because I would never leave anything who needs me. Anyway, it's silly. As you know I have been up to a lot lately. All this fun stuff if you like doing reports over and over again. Or all this incredibly exhausting stuff if it's not your thing. I have also been trying to change the routes of my journey. Make it longer, make it richer. I have starting to fulfill my goals for 2014 by looking at voluntary opportunities and apply to all the ones that mostly apply to me. So I am happy to say that incredibly focused now. Me, myself and FUN. Every now and then my minds attempts to switch to love and desire of being loved but I stop it right there because I ain't got no time for this crap. I am, for once, the focus of my life for once, and I adore being it.
Today I dreamed I was back to home and it was kind of overwhelming because I had to go through the all "let's say our goodbyes while we have time" sadness for almost the entire period I remained there. I felt terrible having to put people through it again and I guess the reason I had to dream about it was to remind myself of how much it still hurts me - leaving and not staying. The hardest part of living a double life is definitely having to leave in order to live. Not being be able to stay or even to guarantee you will be ok.
So, for all my family and friend back in Portugal who have to see me leaving every single time, I am sorry. I am truly sorry. I wish I didn't have to come back someday just to put your hopes up and then slay you like a slave, but I can't promise you that.
This is silly but whenever I am going, leaving, walking out the door, I am always expecting for someone to show up and beg me not to go because then I wouldn't go. Because I would never leave anything who needs me. Anyway, it's silly. As you know I have been up to a lot lately. All this fun stuff if you like doing reports over and over again. Or all this incredibly exhausting stuff if it's not your thing. I have also been trying to change the routes of my journey. Make it longer, make it richer. I have starting to fulfill my goals for 2014 by looking at voluntary opportunities and apply to all the ones that mostly apply to me. So I am happy to say that incredibly focused now. Me, myself and FUN. Every now and then my minds attempts to switch to love and desire of being loved but I stop it right there because I ain't got no time for this crap. I am, for once, the focus of my life for once, and I adore being it.
Love always,
Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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