The memories for 2014...start...NOW

I am starting this new year with a bliss of happiness and bravery. The old isn't past. The old should be celebrated and renewed at every possibility and that is what I want to make 2014 all about. 

I am not a kid anymore and neither are my desires for the future. I want to be known for my good acts and I want to be known for my still unknown talent.  I want to be somebody memorable, not a random self who anyone would instantly forget about. That is not me. 

In 2013 a lot has happened and most of it has changed me. For better or worse it does not matter, but the fact it made me who I am. So I won't say new year, new life because that ain't true. New Year, Better attitude, Better life. 

I am a happy gal and I have everything going on for myself. I am doing what have always wanted. It may take a bit longer to get where I aim to be at, but I'll wait for it, I'll fight for it. I won't give up on myself and I won't put myself down ever again.
When trying to remember 2013 all I can define it into is Love. In 2013 I fell in love again. It is weird when said it out loud but it is nothing but the truth and that is why I felt so pissed off all the time throughout late November and December. I was fighting against my feelings and I was fighting against the acknowledgment of having my feelings hurt...again... but it is  fine now. I am fine.  

You know, I had a blast last night and I didn't go to any party. I've always thought that in order to feel young and happy, I needed to go out more and meet more young fellas as myself and have fun with them not drinking and dancing as wildly as I could. 

However what last night has thought me was that fun isn't about being up late or drinking or dancing, well dancing is pretty awesome, anyway. Having fun and feeling young is all about the people you hang out with. I'm lucky because I get to hang out with my family and feel like that. While we were driving on our way to see some fireworks with a child and a dog in the car, not knowing exactly where to go and worrying about not being able to see some fireworks, we all had a moment of clear realisation, the type you share with everyone. There was a voice coming out the radio and the countdown had begun: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...5...4... 3... 2...1! the moment had arrived, 2014, y'all! 

And suddenly we didn't need any fireworks. We were on fire. Our happiness peaking up to the mountains. Our hands thrown in the air, the range of our voices going beyond audible and it was beautiful and I felt free and young and loved and happy, so happy. I felt infinite. Like anyone had just pressed the reset button and everything had just started over and I could be anything and do anything. 

You guys know that my favourite book in the entire world is the perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky and when it was all happening, all I could only remember was Charlie's words...And In That Moment I Swear We Were Infinite. 

So, for 2014 (Am I the only who gets chills everytime I say 2014? It sounds crazy. It is like we are living in the future.), I want more of myself, of my old new self. I want craziness, loads of it but sense of entitlement. Acknowledgment of who makes me happy and what makes me happy 

Most people know nothing about me and I can't tell for sure if I know that much about myself either, but what I know now is that I don't want any of those maybes anymore. I want certainty because I deserve certainty. The type I can get from the love of my family. If anyone likes ME, they better work their asses to show it to me because I ain't fighting for possibilities anymore. I deserve more. I'll put my standards high, my goals high, my offers to the others high and I'll only expect the same payback. 

I'll begin this year by fulfilling the goals I did not achieve in 2013 and only afterwards, I'll dedicate myself to drawing some new resolutions and making them real. 

I already love 2014. 

The memories for 2014...start...NOW

love always,  

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado