May has been an incredibly tiring month. I've been holding everything I have to do and worry about together the best I can, yet some things have slipped away from my attention and hands. I guess you can't just control everything all the time. But you know what? I'm fine. I'm completely fine with it and everything else. My brother going away. Not having proper Summer holidays. Not seeing my family and friends as much as I can. Letting go of feelings. Being on my own almost every minute of every day. I'm fine. I'm sick of trying to run away from everything I'm afraid of. I don't need to be afraid of anything. I know I will be okay. I've done so much and have suffered so much. I deserve being fine. Actually, I'm proud of myself. Proud for being this bold, for looking out for myself and my future, for going after my dreams all by myself and for sticking with I believe. I've never been this proud of myself. I have several flaws: I'm not the most likeable person; I'm incredibly emotional. I have high expectations for everybody I love and know they can do that and even better; I'm far from being any attractive; Yet, I've done something I'm proud of. Things may not have gone the way I intended all along but no one can't take away from me this contemplation and feeling of achievement. I know I'm still building the life I chose to pursue but I already have put together the first blocks: meaningful friends, a source of income, goals and desires. Now I have to keep doing what I'm doing and building it higher and higher and someday, perhaps, I'll have a place to call home in the Uk too.
Love always,
Tommy
PS. I'm on the home straight of my exams as well. Almost all done and only one more to go (FRIDAYY). Can't believe it, finally! I'm so exhaust. I had a job interview today, I'll receive some feedback tomorrow *wish me luck* Can't wait to have some real work done ;)
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