Outburst

So, on my last post, as you can read, I was feeling hopeful. I was feeling that despite all the issues, small and big ones, we've had, if both of us were willing, we could still make it. And, I actually thought that the reason we weren't together as supposed, was me, my fault. I was the one to blame for the fact things weren't as simple, as straightforward as they were supposed to be.
And No, I am not saying I have no blame here now. I am saying that I have finally realised why things never worked between us. It wasn't just me and it wasn't just you. We're opposites but we don't complement each other. As simple as that. We're different pieces of different puzzles.
Sure we do have things in common and I used to love that about us but they...they in no way, surpass the amount of things and views and sides and opinions that we completely disagree.
And last night, well, last night I've realised how much we differ. How many miles between us actually exist. How could I ever think that we could work? How stupid can I be? How many times?
When everyone was staring at me and judging me and putting all this pressure over me, I expected YOU, among all of them, YOU that know me better than any of them, YOU that I've been more intimate than any of them, YOU, I expected YOU to have my back. To save me, to protect me, to SUPPORT me, but no.
Silly me. No, you didn't. What you actually managed to do was to increase the amount of pressure I had and make me feel worse about myself and about the whole situation. You once said if I stay there, you would help me to overcome fears and I trusted you to do that. And you, once again, weren't worthy of my trust.
I expected you to be there for me and you simply weren't. And that made me realise all the other times when you ignored me and lied to me.
I am sorry but I am done. I've never felt this disappointed with anyone else in my entire life. And it hurts because I've actually fell in love with you and I don't know how to fell out of love because whatever I feel for you, it's poison and it's killing me.

Ok, that's all I have to say. You probably won't read any of this but I suppose that's for the best.

Love always (but beware)

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado