I was checking my criminology essay that I submitted last week and noticed some mistakes in it. I ddin't double check before submiting it because I was only a couple minutes to the deadline and I didn't have time enough to do it. And the reason I didn't have enough time is 'cos I wasted almost all my time procrastinating instead of working. I seriously have a problem. I feel depressed now... I really wanted to have a good mark on this, this is the heart of my course, the one thing that made me come here, why am I not focusing for real, commiting as most as I can on my goals? I'm so disappointed with myself. I could've done so much better... and the sickness isn't the one to blame. It's true I wasn't feeling okay last week, I barely had strenghts to leave my bed, with my head aching, my heart pounding fast, coughing like I was dying, throwing up, feeling febrile and etc, and of course I didn't have no one taking care of me and this was the 1st time I really had to look after myself but it's still not a good reasong for all this self-sabotage I've been putting myself through all this way long. I keep doing it. I think I'm not capable and delay as much as I can. I don't get it. I shouldn't. This is what I've wanted, all I ever wanted. what's missing?
Love always,
Tommy
PS. Here's a snapshot of me looking the most serious I can. People say I'm always smiling. So this is how I look not smiling. Not so pretty innit? I dont exactly look pretty smiling, I look like a monkey, a funny monkey tho. When I look at other people's photso on fb, all looking like high fashion models and some of them are really pretty in person and I look like ... Arrghhh, hate myself or my parents...not really they've got good genes, my siblings are skinny and pretty...it's only me.
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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