I think I spend too much time trying to fullfill other's expectations on me.This realization came kind of nowhere, I was just think about everything and everyone and at exact time nothing, when this thought crossed my mind and after spending a little bit focusing and wondering on it, I realized is legit. Achieving other's goals to myself was always easier because if I didn't, I had no responsability on it, This year was different though, I came to the Uk to achieve my goals and I don't have others to blame if I don't achieve all or any of them. The ideal 'Tommy' is over. She's now fragile and as guilty as everyone else for her actions. I have this most troubled mind, I can't stop thinking and overthinking everything. Thoughts wanders all day aroung my mind, either random negative stuff ' how people would react to my death? Who would really miss me and who would fake it? or where the Gypsies etny has started? Do they have a country of their own? or just creating random explaction for the most common behaviours. All this, I think to cover the big whole in my life of not having family and best friends close. I listen to lot of music, I don't like the silent and I do exercise, and spend entire afternoons in the library reading and sometimes late night, I order fast food.
I don't quite know the point of this point. I know we are only a month and few weeks to the end of 2012 and I want to actualise myself for 2013. Create a new identity, full with new friends, new forms of happiness and goals. I don't want to forget anyone and I don't think I ever will, they're all under my skin, especially my family and my best friend Dave, but I think they're all moving on with their lives and I should do the same. It's not that I won't have them with me, I just have to learn to live far from them. Life's a journey where the learning is the key to find short cuts and avoid suffering and agony.
Anyway,moving on, below are the best photos last saturday when Stephanie and I alongside with a few Stephanie's pals celebrated her 8th birthday. I believe in my easy touch with kids therefore I can say fearless, we all had a blast! Obviously, they had more than I did. My momma bear instinct was alert and I unfolded myself into many to keep my eyes and arms on everybody. No one dies in my command lulz.
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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