Hello bloggers and Hello July! I know I've been quite absent lately and especially throughout June but I pinky promise you will see more of me during July.
This is going to be be a quick update post, in order to make a quick register of the lastest events in my life. So, per order, I'm officially done with my very first year of university in the UK. My final grades were just released in about three weeks ago and I was so astonished and happy with them. I've worked really hard for them so it is rewarding to see a good results coming out of this. So, I'm ticking my first box on my checklist for university regarding my 1st year and soon enough I'll be done with this degree; Can't wait for it :)
Also, I got myself a new guitar. I've wanted to buy originally an 88 key yamaha keyboard but as much as I stretched my available budget, truth be told, I couldn't just afford it. So, I went for an acoustic guitar instead. I've always secretly desired one and I'm always keen for a challenge, so playing the guitar from scratch no previously (as opposite from piano) experience might be just it.
To finish, this last update is not the most interesting one but it makes me happy to say that a glimpse of Summer has finally arrived to North England. I can finally see the sun uncovered by the usually heavy clouds in a beautiful clear sunny day (it's still a bit windy, but c'mon it's england, if you get this much, keep your mouth shut and accept it :p ).
Well, these were the updates. Now regarding my personal dramas.
Firstly, don't mind my latest post. I was in a very depressive downwards spiral with confusion and tiredness boarding all over me. I'm feeling a bit better regarding the subject that put me on it for starters but I'm still unbalanced. I'm feeling scared and unstable. I truly miss my siblings and the thought that we're all in different continents - ocean apart, it kills me because we're really close to each others. And to worsen it, I had this awful nightmare about my parents tonight. So, I'm all shaken up.
Firstly, don't mind my latest post. I was in a very depressive downwards spiral with confusion and tiredness boarding all over me. I'm feeling a bit better regarding the subject that put me on it for starters but I'm still unbalanced. I'm feeling scared and unstable. I truly miss my siblings and the thought that we're all in different continents - ocean apart, it kills me because we're really close to each others. And to worsen it, I had this awful nightmare about my parents tonight. So, I'm all shaken up.
I don't regret being with someone I have no feelings for even though I wouldn't have done it in the past - I've always been very emotioanlly connected to people and easily hurt. So I guess I was just trying to make statement here..that I can be too the other person, who doesn't care and it still goes for it. I feel a bad however...not much for him because you know, he'll get what he wants for anyone other girl he may fancy, but for me, for pushing myself to be this senseless person I'm not ( but would love to, feelings are exhausting).
Another issue. I'm super jealous of pretty much everyone who's enjoying their summers because I have no clue when I'll be enjoying mine. I have these entanglements going on here in the UK, problems after problems to fix but no easy answer to any...I'm clueless when I'll be able to come back home, I'll keeping throwing date in the air to everyone who asks me and checking every hour or so the airtickets. I also don't know, in case I go, how long I'll be staying... I see everyone making plans for the Summer. Hanging out with their frineds and family while I'm here away, far from everyone both physical and emotionally. I wonder if even when I'm in Portugal my friends will want to hang out with me because they don't seem to want much and I won't blame them because I'm not exactly that likeable and interesting as a person.
So, while everyone will have their cool trips, boyfriend and girlfriend, family and best friends, parties and festivals' photos posted on their facebook timeline, I will have the same lame old me.
Love always,
Tommy
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