Hi ordinary people out there, last night before writing my post, I came across this very interesting article that I think most people have at least an experience to compare to this. It's about the Friendzone. Sometimes when you like someone and you want to invest in them, you assume the first step in order to build a relationship here is to become friends with that person. And well, I'm not telling you're wrong but most of the times, things don't work out that way (if they do, mostly in the movies, sorry bro!). Why? Very good question random folk. First, because you do not know if the target of your little and daily crescent crush feels the same way as you do. Second, if they don't, you want them to look at you as a 'love interest' not as friend. And last but not least, third. because once you're in the friendzone, is very hard to escape from it and the longer you stay the worst it gets. I have a personal experience of my own and I decided to give up, because I just stayed there for too long. I don't think it was never meant to be anyway. It started the worst way possible, it will end probably the same way, tho I hope to save to the friendship, I still don't know if I can. Anyway, I don't want the same for any of you, adorable bloggers. So, lesson number one, starting a possible love relationship with a friendship may be a spoiler... I'm not an expert on the matter, so I bring to you all the following article which highlights very good points and I think you will all appreciate it. Take a look at it and let me know if you ever been there or if you found any of these advices useful.
Nighty night and TGIF( aka THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY)
Love always,
Tommy
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What is "The Friend Zone"?
For those who don't know the term, "the friend zone" refers to a situation where one individual in afriendship develops more intense feelings and wants to become "more than friends" with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend's desires and quite happy in the friendship-only arrangement. As a result, the person is "stuck" in the "friend zone", unable to transition from just friend to girlfriend or boyfriend.
How to Escape the Friend Zone
To escape the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships involve negotiation - and you are attempting to "re-negotiate" the current exchange. Essentially, you want "more" from the other person. Most likely, you are already giving too much and what you really want is for them to balance the scales.
Fortunately, there are a few influence principles that do indeed balance the scales. Using those principles, we can devise a few steps to get you out of the friend zone:
1) Be Less Interested - The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being "needy" is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don't get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the "Least Interested Principle" - Waller & Hill, 1951).
2) Make Yourself Scarce - Spend some time away from your "friend" and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of "Scarcity" - where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn't, then they are just "not that into you"...and don't value you. In that case, find another "friend".
3) Create Some Competition - Go out and make some other "friends" of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a littlejealousy are another great way to develop "Scarcity" (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are "busy" with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don't see any "jealousy" though, then they might not want to be "more than friends". In that case, set your sights on someone new!
4) Get Them To Invest - Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them (for more, see here). This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors...and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc. Heck, even asking them to get you a soda from the fridge has an impact!
5) Be Rewarding - Don't forget to be grateful and reward your friend when they behave as you desire. After they are good to you, remember to be good to them back. Being attentive and affectionate, only when they do what you like, encourages them to continue those behaviors (for more, see here). Also, ignoring them when they behave badly helps to reduce unwanted behaviors (for more, see here). Always remember to keep anenvironment of mutual gratitude flowing too (see here).
Taking It From There
Applying the steps above will balance the value and exchange in the relationship. It will highlight how truly valuable, desirable, and important you are to your "friend". Essentially, it will raise your status and worth in their eyes. You might even be able to pick up the change in their body language when you are around.
Article taken from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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