I think I've come to a point that I feel so lonely that I actually trust more in the advices I read on the internet than from anyone else. Because the internet is every day there for me in the weirdest possible way and none of my friends are. Internet does not judge me, I can google whatever I want and I will actually find interesting answers from people with similar issues, HOWEVER if I ask a friend, he may judge me, why am I worried with such type of things, that's foolish. Anyway, yesterday I was watching the sisterhood of the traveling pants (I don't know if you have ever watched it but if you happen to have some time to burn, I'd say: go for it) and the group of best friends have this amazing connection since their mothers were pregnant of them and as teenagers, last year high school students, they found this magic pants which weirdly fits the four of them, so they have decided to share custody and during summer vacation, since they were going to be apart and in different locations, so each of them would stay with the pants for a week and then post to a different one. Anyway, my point is, what was really interesting for me was that even though they were apart their friendship did not suffer and they always had for each other dramas. Let's say for instance one of them would be go to university far from home, in a different country, when she was back home, they all would surprise her and spend all time together like sisters and remind her of the valuable things she will always have when she comes back home. The important haven't changed just because they're no longer at the same school or country. These sisterhood has no boundaries. That's what I have always dreamt to have but never achieved in all my friendship. I have some good friendships but it always looks like everything else is way more important than me to my friends. There hasn't been a time I came to Portugal and all my friends which are not a lot, found time to see me. Like real time. Not a night or an hour. Like real time for the real friendship I think we have. I'm sick of waiting for them to find a free spot in their busy calendar when I'm sure I would give them almost my entire time. Because after, I traveled several miles just to be with them and none of them sees it.
Anyway, I really should try to find some new friendships. These are not working. I need more from them, from everybody. Perhaps I'm asking too much of them, perhaps I have very high standards of friendships and it's why I cannot be satisfied with the little time they give to me, perhaps I should just accept this online friendship but for god's sake, I am not asking much. Just time, is it too much? I've been doing these trips back and forward to Portugal for a while now and every time I'm home, which are always during holidays, what supposedly would be the best time for everyone, NO ONE, NO ONE, can seem to find time to see me properly.
Love always,
Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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