Once I've arrived home, I've checked all the letters that were in my letterbox and some of them were issuing me for bills that I didn't even make use of. It's still 6 in the morning, I barely slept this night to be honest, not just because of this, also because I'm feeling fragile and insecure and already miss my family. I was so content yesterday, you should've seen me, so proud of myself for going through almost the entire trip without losing myself completely and start crying compulsively as I always do. Now all that has always slipped away from me. I don't feel that bold young woman anymore. I'm scared. Later today, I'll probably post about how did everything turn out today and hopefully, I'm praying for it, will be good.
It's funny that it took me, a change of year, to understand that I've changed and not for better. I can see now that the person I've tried to become last year has nothing to do with who I am in reality or who I aim to be.
I can't believed I actually said swear words and tried to be more a kind of world girl, doing common stuff, with common language and appearance. Becoming ordinary and forgetting many of my beliefs haven't brought no good.
I understand now that I need my savior's hand to overcome these upcoming challenges. Without his help I have no hope and I am nothing. My future is delievered on his hands and only him and my father, Lord can help me through this. I know I didn't put the Lord in first place, last year, and I'm ashamed of it. I've seen all miracles his love for me can do and should never doubt his capacity. And still without doing as I am suppose, my Lord still blessed me incredibly and I'm so thankful for it.
Jesus Christ is my older brother and best friend and he has suffered for my sins. May HE bless my journey and my family and friends. And may all children who are suffering be blessed as well.
May HE guide us to a brighter future.
I love you my Lord and I'm no Charlie,
Love always,
Tommy.
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