As long as there is music, I'll recover.

The Truth About Love

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it’s not right



"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I AM DONE.

I have to stop being so silly and naive. The fact I care about people, doesn't mean they feel the same way about me. It's always the same, I should know this, by now, but my silliness always makes me get surprised.
I'm the silliest girl for believing, for trying hard, for not losing hope in something is already a lost case.
I'm so stupid and silly and naive and fragile and sentimental. Sometimes it really sucks being a wallflower and not finding someone who understands you.
You really hurt me this time, I'm sure you don't understand how deeply, but you did and now I'm done.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Some things must be done, even if that means you'll get hurt or hurt someone you really like.

Hi people, how everyone's doing today?
Well, I've been good, I think. It feels good to be back home and get to spend christmas and all the other days bewteen it and New year's eve day with my family. I'm also thankful for seeing my friends.I apologize for not posting in a while. I've been looking after some kids so I haven't had much time to go in the computer. Last night, I made a decision and I'm struggling if it was the right thing to do, though I deeply know it probably was.

Please bloggers, pray for me, I feel so insecure.
Love always,

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Merry Christmas, Everyone!! :D

Christmas' day is almost done and I really hope you had a Wonderful Christmas with your folks celebrating the magic of this superb day. It's Jesus Christ day, is a family day, is a happy day. Hope you all enjoyed it.Mine was perfectly fine, as always,

Love always and Merry Christmas,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

So different, so alike!

So, my birthday this year wasn't a disaster. It was different, good different. And I think I'll adopt this positive attitude for next birthdays. I learnt so much today. Really. I always wanted to spend my birthday with my friends but I learnt spending with your folks, specially if your father share his birthday with you, is even more important.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

This is it!

And here it is, that old same feeling is here again. So many hopes and fears and desires and disappointments all mixed together in a single day a year, when all right is wrong and all good is bad. I'm already feeling it, I don't know why. I hate this day. I most certainly do and wait anxiously, eagerful all year for it.
I'm trying not to tear apart. Not this year. Not again. Off to bed. I don't want to think about this. There's so much rage in my heart and I feel so sad, why do I feel this way? dunno. Anyway, I'm gonna put myself together and sleep. I want to provide a happy birthday to my daddy, he deserves so. He turned 50 today. Such an amazing age and I'm so proud of him and us and how far we've taken our relationship into this almost past year. Today I want to celebrate this for him, for us.
So, to begin with, I'll fall asleep listening to my favourite song.



You guys have a nice day and I'll try to have one.
Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Upcoming birthday

Well, that's it. My journey as an 18 year old teenager girl has almost finished. It was such a hard age in a such a difficult and emotional year. I don't like my birthday. I never did and I don't think I ever will. I'm just hoping to have the day everyone hopes I have so that they're happy and I'm happy they're happy for me.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

A friendship for life ♥

I tend to highlight all kind of bad days and bad things that happen to me around here, nevertheless, today for a change, I wwould like to emphasize an amazing day. I had a blast hanging out today with my bitches. They're adorable and funny and we have so much in common. - it's crazy!!! I kind of forgot that and today I was able to remember. I truly adore them and today was definetely a day to remember.


Love always,
Tommy

"Faam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

There isn't enough tea to quell the rage in my heart!

You know those days when should've never left home or have access to your email or have contact with anyone. I'm in one of those. Just discovered I had a pretty bad grade at one of my assignments. Lost my favourite beret, what makes two of them lost in less than 3 days. Forgot to do something very important that will not allow Stephanie to spend Christmas with her mom.And to finish, I'll have the crowdest Christmas ever because some cousins and aunties are coming from Angola to spend the holidays here.
I seriously feel like crying after this day. I only did crap all day and received bad news. I've messed it all. I f* everything around. Everyhting I managed to get, I ruined. I mean this day couldn't get worse, I said that earlier this morning and funny fact, it did, much much worse. Moreover the "every year depression" I experience on the prior days and the day of my birth, is arriving so I feel like I just got a punch on my face and honestly, I feel like I deserved it. It's all my stupid fault.
I'm so freaking mad at myself. Seriously, I can only recall feeling this way when I failed at my first IELTS exam and that day I prayed not to feel that way ever again. And here I am, back again.
I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I want to reduce myself to my insignificance and not to feel anything for a while. Just to clear my mind.
I had a completely different post planned. So much happier, so much deeper. And then, all this happened today. That's why I'm always so afraid of being happy. Everytime I feel a little bit of happiness, there's something that takes it from me and replaces it with insecurity and sadness and rage, so much rage.

Love always,
Tommy.

"There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13
I just want to highlight the enormous act of love from this teacher, Ms Victoria, who died protecting and hiding his students from a lunatic, insane and instable man who murdered several people on December, 15th, many of those, children. She wasn't the only to do it. Furthermore the School director and school psychologist did it. My prayers and thoughts to all who experienced and got injured and lost a family member in this tragedy. And as well, to all Americans who are now facing another big tragedy.  


"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Everything will turn out okay when the flames find their way back to the mother fire.

The Hobbit. What an extraordinary movie and with the best company of my 50 shades bestie (He's such a weird person, with so many personalities. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with him. And that's probably why I like him so much he gives me always the best of the hardest times.), it becomes an incomparable experience. It was a fantastic night. I hope he enjoyed as much as I did.
And Yes, I'm home. Back to my homeland, the place I proudly call home and seem to fit (sometimes) undoubtly.
4 days to my 19th birthday and 6 days to Christmas eve!!!! I'm so excited and a bit sad. It's weird coming back home and not seeing my sister. I really miss her. I'm trying to contend this feeling as much as I can and not to cry in a such a happy season, but it's hard, you know. Deep down I just know she needs me more than anything as I need her more than anything.

“O valor das coisas não está no tempo que elas duram, mas na intensidade com que acontecem. Por isso existem momentos inesquecíveis, coisas inexplicáveis e pessoas incomparáveis.”(Fernando Pessoa). 

I love you Freddie for giving such a great moment to always remember. I love you Dave in a way I wish I could explain by words for being the person I need you to be. I know I say it way too many times, but I need you to know it and you know, there are things that must be said and not written. E que venham mais memórias semelhantes.
Off to bed now. Gotta be up in 4 hours :/

Love always,
Tommy.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Santa Claus is coming to town...

Hey weirdos! What's up?
I just came across this video on youtube (link below) and turns out santa claus is a paedophile haha
Anyways, it's late and I'm not functioning very well as usual. Gonna sleep now. You too have a wonderfiul night and day tomorrow. And remember, you better watch out. Santa is watching you sleeping :p
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z0Mm18VhoU

PS. 10 days to Christmas Eve, the actual Christmas day in my house lol
I just love Christmas, don't you?

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I so informed you thuslly!

Hey peeps, just to let you know that 'we' have reached the top 3 in the countdown 'festive holidays' and top 10 in the birthday countdown.
Lately I've been watching online the tv series 'Don't trust the B* in the apartment 23'. Well if you haven't watched yet, I must say it's hilarious lol
and by the way, I already started packing. What have you guys been up to?

with love
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

My last piece of written work

Stephanie performed last night at the Hunslet club. Such a little star.

Hey folks!
How you doing today? Just to say that I'm officialy on vacation since I submitted a little bit ago my very last piece of written work. Uffa... what a relief. I was dying with so much to do. But well now it's all done. Now I can focus on my reading and something else I can't say yet.
Have a nice day xxx
Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

And the landslide brought me down

Dunno if I'm just feeling blue and tired or disappointed and sad, really really sad or all them in a row.
I thought I'd be trilled with all this, and I swear I'm thankful and happy, just not trilled... it looks like there's something still missing. I really miss my sister, she'd say I'm stupid and that would make everything so much better.




Hold on tight love. Everything will be better. Soon.
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I'm a wallflower.

Wallflower: a type of loner. seemingly shy folks who no one really knows. often some of the most interesting people if one actually talks to them.

PS. I'm struggling not to go watch this movie. The book is just so wonderful and pleasant and such an easy reading, that I'm afraid the movie won't a fair representation of this little masterpiece of reading... I don't want to be disappointed and I really think Emma Stone is perfect for the play she's doing, BUT, BUT... 

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Eureka, she said.

That insightful moment when you realize something you've known for a long time but didn't have the guts to see it clearly. Well, I had one of these back a few moments ago.
You know, some things don't worth the fight, it's not because we're not bold and brave enough or that thing we want isn't worthy, sometimes it's not for us, it's not our fight and as much as we fight for it, it will never be, it's not meant to be and we should accept it, the end.
Just to say that and to check how you sneaky ninja bloggers are doing today. I've been feeling sick again, bla bla bla, same old story, and I seriously don't know how to deal with these negative temperatures. I'm freezing here....9days left.

Love always,
Tommy

PS. This was an exhausting year and Christmas is coming so I thought I could start sharing some scriptures with you pals and place some tenderness in your hearts so that 2013 can be the year we all aim to be.
So, today's scripture is the following:

Ephesians 4:32 

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

true true true

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

My second name is Fatigue...

 

I'm feeling so exhausted. Yesterday in instance was a completely mess, my eletricity was accidentally cut and I had to call to milion places to demand an explanation. But then, when finally I was talking to the right person in the right department, right in the middle of our conversation when I providing my data and address, my phone ran out battery and shut down. Later the same happened to my laptop  portugal phone. A completely disaster..
So yesterday I went to my other aunt's house to crash for a night, charged all my technology and today in the morning, I resolved this mixed up. Unfortunately, I'm staying a few more days at my aunt's becuase it will take at least a couple of days for them to fix the problem, and until then, internet only at uni.
I would love to keep writing and tell all the other dramas, but I'm feeling so tired and sleepy, barely can keep my eyes open, so it's better to focus on this last assignment.
Anyhow, 12 days left bloggers.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I'm the Lorax!

Hey peeps, just finished watching the Lorax, great movie by the way, but what really caught my attention was how subtly they passed the message. As simple as: Do something, Let it grow.
Another cartoon masterpiece.

Love always, 
Tommy

14 days left. 

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,Nothing is going to get better. It's not"
Dr. Seuss

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Let the countdown begins: 15 days left

It's funny when someone is as important to you as you are, the words seem insufficient. I wish I could explain how I miss the times when you, me, Hortencia and Van, spent all day fooling around carefree. Not worring about anything. Focusing on our dancing career and boys and having enough money every single day to buy sweeties and lunch at the chinese restaurant close to school. And how we love wednesdays and did the same ritual every single one of them.
I know it's a while and I should move forward and accept we lost touch with each other and that beautiful friendship means nothing now, but I can't. I hate the fact that these last 4 years the four of us didn't hang out even once and Hortencia and Vanessa are mad at each other for reason I've been willing to understand but I don't. And I don't want to interfere with our currently separated lives: me in the UK, Hortencia in Brazil, Vanessa in the music industry singing as she always wanted, you studying hotel management in Estoril. Anyway, we've grown apart and it will keep on this trend but I want some years from now we can get together, chat and have that same carefree fun we used to have. When I recall all these moments and how I used to be, that shy self conscious little girl and you so similar to me and Hortencia and Van so outdoorsy and chattie.
We were a fortress, united by the sisterhood ties, back then and I wish some day we may have a little of that heaven again.


I know I've shared this video like a million times. BUT, this was one the happiest moments in my life. We repeated this 3 times for the entire school that day, this was the last one and we were so damn tired. And the last chroreography that I'm so proud of, me and sister did it together at home (The truth is the two of us and Medji did all the choreographs alone and then we taught the others) and the music 'I believe' from the movie 'Honey' in background that meant so much to us because we did really believe we could do achieve whatever we wanted. And just a thumb up for Alfredo, the guy with the red sweater. He's such a great dancer but he's 'I don't care atittude' is even better. I'm the one completely dressed in black with white snickers. My sister's the girl with the cap on and jeans. Nidia's the one with jeans and white t-shirt and Van is the one almost completely dressed in white. Regarding to the boys: Medi is the best dancer, the tall boy with blue shirt and black jacket, Edu is the other tall boy with brighter blue jeans and Alfredo as I told before's the boy with the sweater. And yes we were a sort of black 'crew' AHAHAHAH. Gawwwd, I miss this! This performance happened in 2007, a while ago, I know!

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

It's so hard to do, so easy to say

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.

Richard Bach quotes

Why is it so hard then?



"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Mood change

Sometimes I'm surprised about how easily I can change my mood.... It's a click really. A song. Something I heard. Something I thought. that's it. I'm quite instable.
By the way, am I the only one who everytime that tries to take a deep photo, u know, something more creative and with some sort of meaning, the photo turns out to be something similar to this:

The classic psycho face. Every. Single. Time. Maybe my inner goddess is warning me about my deep down psycho personality lol

Sleep tight peeps.
Love always,
Tommy

PS. I'm starting to get pissed off with people who think that 'cos Im here I must know everything bout England and speak english fluently. Do they know how long it takes to learn and speak english comfortably around native english speakers? Ain't easy. So, you're wrong, Im still learning. Please give me a break.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Just an ordinary day...

Hey stranger,
Yesterday I was intending to post about how horrible I am, and how low committed I can be sometimes, and how much I hate the way I sometimes approach the challenges that pass through me. But then, today, well  today was a really nice calm relaxing day.I had an interview in the morning then I went right away to uni. At 1.30pm I left uni and Huddersfield and head to Leeds city centre to buy this lovely jeans  I've been flirting with for over a week (and a few more things). Meanwhile, I read my fifty shades darker book on the train and bus and spent some time poring about it, it's really an extraordinary book! (I feel so blessed for this year, really. Finding books I enjoy has always been a drama for me and this year I've gotten the oportunity to read such great novels) and now I'm getting ready to go to the gym (Well, I'm late cause I decide to write before leaving home) and then, after it, I'll head to gram's to check how dede, my grandma and Stephanie are doing since yesterday night, the last time I was there and finally head back home and watch TBBT with my lovely Sheldon Cooper. I mean, it may look a lot for a day and not to outstanding and amaxzing, but it's, and the work is nothing compared to my other days and I feel relaxed. I feel like I'm in a good place right now and it's been a while I don't feel this way.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

HATE myself and this gloomy weather, mostly myself!

Sometimes I just feel like hiting myself, very hard.
I was checking my criminology essay that I submitted last week and noticed some mistakes in it. I ddin't double check before submiting it because I was only a couple minutes to the deadline and I didn't have time enough to do it. And the reason I didn't have enough time is 'cos I wasted almost all my time procrastinating instead of working. I seriously have a problem. I feel depressed now... I really wanted to have a good mark on this, this is the heart of my course, the one thing that made me come here, why am I not focusing for real, commiting as most as I can on my goals? I'm so disappointed with myself. I could've done so much better... and the sickness isn't the one to blame. It's true I wasn't feeling okay last week, I barely had strenghts to leave my bed, with my head aching, my heart pounding fast, coughing like I was dying,  throwing up, feeling febrile and etc, and of course I didn't have no one taking care of me and this was the 1st time I really had to look after myself but it's still not a good reasong for all this self-sabotage I've been putting myself through all this way long. I keep doing it. I think I'm not capable and delay as much as I can.  I don't get it. I shouldn't. This is what I've wanted, all I ever wanted. what's missing?

Love always,
Tommy

PS. Here's a snapshot of me looking the most serious I can. People say I'm always smiling. So this is how I look not smiling. Not so pretty innit? I dont exactly look pretty smiling, I look like a monkey, a funny monkey tho. When I look at other people's photso on fb, all looking like high fashion models and some of them are really pretty in person and I look like ... Arrghhh, hate myself or my parents...not really they've got good genes, my siblings are skinny and pretty...it's only me.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS, I LOVE AND I MISS YOU LIKE HELL, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

YOU'RE MY BEST PAL AND YOU'RE THE MOST STUPID, INCONVINIENT AND HONEST PERSON I KNOW. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY AND NOW YOU'RE 20 AS WELL, SO JUST START ACTING ACCORDINGLY! PLEASE DON'T. I DON'T MEAN IT. THE WORLD IS FULL OF NORMAL PEOPLE FOLLOWING THEIR STUPID COMMON SENSE AND GUESS WHAT? THEY ALL SUCK! AND YOU DON'T, COS YOU'RE JUST AS CREEPLY WEIRD AS I AM AND THAT'S ANOTHER REASON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

HAVE FUN, YOU STUPID BASTARD ;) 

Read More

Keep your eyes on the prize, babe!

That's why I'm writing this post at  almost 5 in the morning. And tomorow I have to be up at most at 7.30 :|

So, yesterday it was quite a busy day. Stephanie slept here in my apartment for a couple of days because my gram went for a short trip with her church to London. Itt was cool to have sorta a roommate ;) a roommate with lotta needs, to be honest. Having to wake up early on a weekend is quite harsh when you're not used to and when you fell asleep a couple hours because you were  working on an essay. So, saturday was all about that.  Spent all day pretending to be working but paying attention to Steph.  Anyway sorry for not posting nothing decent in the last couple days and today won't be quite different. Nevertheless, here's an image from 9gag that capturates my exasperation and despair ;)

To all you working your ass off in order to have a relaxed Christmas, well good luck! Say no to a lot of procrastination, if is just a bit, is okay and good to ease yourbrain. Remember, keep the eyes on the prize, but most importance keep yourself alive. Do not push yourself too much and have some fun once in a while. For example 9gag is a great place to go just to relax and laugh for a bit, pure fun. Well about my prize... well my prize for the next 3 years is to go to New York on a placement next year and finish this degree with legendary grades.

Well, to achieve this goals I'll be kind of needing some luck too. Well wish me luck peeps! (This week's going to be sooo hard. The worst ever! I've never had some much to do and so little time)

Love always, 

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I start to think I'm a jinx... :| :|

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Ready or Not, Here I come!

"Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that"

You probably noticed but in case you didn't, I have huge crush on Nerds characters (and real nerd guys!). First, Dr Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds and now Sheldon Cooper from TBBT.
As much as people may say appearence or personality is the x-factor while getting to know someone, I still believe intelligence is the one which makes all difference, at least to me. I'd never date a superficial guy and I can say that cuz I've tried and it didn't work :/
I believe I can speak for the minority, GEEKS ROCK!

Love always,

Tommy



PS. This song is so catchy and fun! And her voice is WOW, so different and A-MAAAA-ZING!

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

common sense

I am just wondering, why do people call it common sense when it tends not to be that common and most of the times, doesn't make any sense at all? Just wondering...

It's past midnight, so yesterday I woke up feeling quite sick again. I do feel better now, not fully recovered yet, but way better, the problem that arises now is that  I have considerable delay in my Uni assignments compared to the others, but whatever, I don't care, I gotta be focused on using appropriately the remain time I have to each of them  :P

Love always,

PS. I've been posting every single day. I want to achieve 500 posts before New year's eve! :o
Stay tuned, maybe we can achieve 18 000 views as well. That'd be awesome :o

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Remember me

Our memory is quite impressive.

If deep inside, we want to keep something in our lives,even if is harmful to our mental health, our memory will do us the favour of erasing all potentially negative moments, so whenever we decide to revisit it, we'll only see the good things.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

16 000 views, that's INSANE!!! Most certainly an honour for a random chick like me *.*

This is the 'Official' image of my only novel named "Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, Forever". A friend of mine done it. She's great. Thank you Cintia once more :)

I don't usually quote myself because I don't think I'm entitled to be quoted. However, this is a special novel I wrote last year. I'm not a writer and I don't aim to become one because I'm not particularly talented in it. This blog has become my diary, my public diary and you all have been following my journey in this very long, but still short life. This Novel means so much to me and represents exactly how I felt in the summer of 2011 when I wrote it. It seems like a lifetime ago, Though it was last year... I don't fake feelings, so someone who really knows me, knows that most of the feelings I try to pass through the novel are feelings I felt inside me.

Today, after several months without reading it, I read it once again. It was weird. I can see so much more flaws now and  where to improve and make it much better. But I won't do it, It will stay exactly like this because it represents a closed chapter of my life, except the last section of this novel, written in the 2011 autumn that carries feelings and emotions there are still very much alive in me. 

I've tried to translated to English but because is such a long text, it requires a lot of time and effort and commitment to it and I don't have any of that in the moment. I'll try to do it as soon as I can, though. If you're not portuguese, you may try to use a translater site to read it now. It won't translate perfectly, I've tried a few, but it gives the general the moral and idea of this novel. On the other hand, if you're not hurry at all, you can check Mk in a week, at most two and you'll find my translated version.

Love you all always,

Thank you vor visiting. We alread reached the 16 000 views! Thank you for spending your time reading the thoughts of a random portuguese chick ;)

Portuguese/Original version

« Quero que guardes este anel para sempre. Que seja o símbolo do eterno companheirismo e o amor sem fim que sempre nutrimos um pelo outro. Pertencerá a uma dimensão atemporal, àquela em que nós somos soberanos e o tempo se curva a nossos pés.

...

Part (…) (Rascunho – Não editado)

Still waiting …

Passaram-se quinze anos desde que o Matthew morreu e 70 anos desde o dia do baile.

Esta será a última vez que te declamo, meu amor, antes do nosso destinado reencontro. Sei que dentro deste caixão velho de madeira, o teu corpo jaz morto, frio. Hoje compreendo porque partiste tão cedo. Eu necessitava de sugar a beleza e a experiência da vida antes de te ter em meus braços e de te poder olhar de frente. Cada segundo que passa, sinto o meu corpo a direccionar-se à negra e sedenta travessia. A minha sombra já está vazia e já não encontro lugar para o meu corpo. A minha vida tornou-se efémera, demasiado áspera sem ti. O futuro já não é incerto, nem temeroso. O destino procura-me, eu desejo-o.

Ao longo destes anos guardei-te em mim de uma maneira muito especial. De uma maneira que não consigo cuidar de mim ou de alguém fora de ti. Não sei porque te sei amar desta forma, de todas as formas, sorrindo e chorando e continuando a guardar-te num sítio pacato quando preciso e num lugar selvagem e cinzento quando se torna propício. Guardo-te em mim à minha maneira, à tua maneira, à maneira do mundo. Enfim, não sei. Aprendi a guardar-te para mim como jamais fui capaz de interiorizar qualquer som ou movimento das raízes do mundo. Guardo-te em mim porque me fizeste muitas coisas e porque te dei a conhecer outras tantas. Não sei bem o lugar, ou a razão porque te continuo a guardar sempre, talvez porque te adore, te ame, te queira ou te deseje. Talvez porque eu em ti era muito feliz, talvez porque aprendeste a gostar de mim e a ensinar-me isso bastando ler o brilho do teu olhar. Hoje guardo-te, bem em mim, porque talvez sinta que preciso de ti para continuar viva num mundo em que tu já não brilhas para mim. Talvez porque sinta que tu és a única excepção e mereces um lugar de privilégio e regalias. Tu foste um anjo, uma estrela, uma borboleta, uma força, um furacão em mim. Despejaste tudo de ti em tudo o que sou e agradeço-te por isso. Talvez porque foste o meu primeiro amor, a minha primeira viagem ao céu sem destino de volta, a minha primeira vez de amor simples, que se embrulha em nós, amor que é capaz de virar em cada esquina e dobrar cada paragem. Guardo-te em mim porque um dia deixaste que recebesse a tua luz e repousasse em teus braços. Não sei porque o continuo a fazer, contudo amando-te assim, só te consigo guardar muito, e só em mim. Hoje o teu corpo já não se encontra vivo, mas mantenho-te em mim, precisamente junto do meu coração e colado nos parapeitos da minha pele. Chegaste em mim em forma de tudo e levaste tão pouco quando saíste. À minha maneira ou à maneira do mundo tenho-te sempre em mim. Difícil será não precisar de ti, não te guardar, mas hoje, meu amor, preciso deixar o teu espírito voar, sei que só nos voltaremos a reencontrar. Amo-te, hoje e sempre.

Copyright 2011 – Tomázia Galhardo © »

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Why all the good guys are taken or gay?

I seriously think I'm going to die alone in a flat with 3 cats (Not really alone if I have cats, innit?).
My luck with guys is the worst. I attract all the wrong guys, all the pervert ones with ulterior intentions.
I wish there was a sort of online store  to find nice, sensitive, cool guys. I mean, the portuguese boys tend to be like this but I don't find them much interested in me. You know, it's hard when they're looking for blue-eyed blonde skinny gurls, and yeah, not so tanned skin. When I came to the UK, I felt flattered with so many guys after me, asking me on a date. I was happily surprised. I went on a date with one of them, in June, we went diner in Nandos, which is a cool relaxing restaurant, after the dinner we walked around city, he asked me if I wanted to go clubbling (Friday's nights ritual lol), I said no, he took me back home, kissed me good night and that was it. But he was SIORUSLY the only nice guy I've met here since I arrived. It's a shame things didn't work out between us (Now I know lol) . Let's hope there are more decent guys around. I'm not a cat person :|.

Love always,

Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

I JUST DON'T KNOW

I AM SO SO SO FREAKING MAD!

I HATE BEING SO JEALOUS BUT WHAT'S MINE, IS MINE AND I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE EVEN FLATTERING. SHE ACTS LIKES THEY'RE INTIMATE, BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW A THING ABOUT HIM. AND I KNOW HIM BETTER THAN SHE OR ONE OF THE MANY HERS AROUND HIM LIKE BEES, WILL EVER KNOW!!!!

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO ATTRACTIVE? WHY CAN'T HE BE JUST MINE?

THAT'S WHY I DELETED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. I CAN'T COPE THIS JEALOUSY NO LONGER. I HATE BEING A STALKER, I'M NOT A STALKER. AND I HATE FEELING SO FRIGHTENED WITH THE POTENTIALS 'SHES'. I AM SERIOUSLY CAPABLE OF STRANGLING ONE OF THEM. I'M NOT LIKE THIS, I DON'T DO THE JELLY TYPE OF GIRL OR DO I? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A POWERFUL EFFECT ON ME AND VISIBLY ON ALL THEM? DOES HE EVEN KNOW HOW FREAKING ATTRACTIVE HE IS WITH HIS BRIGHT-DORK-FUNNY STYLE? WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR A SPOT IN HIS LIFE? I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO... I ALWAYS FEEL SO FRAGILE AROUND HIM. AND RIGHT NOW, THOUGH HE'S NOT AROUND, I FEEL THE SAME. HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE CRYING AND STRANGLING, MOSTLY STRANGLING.

I NEED TO MOVE ON. I NEED TO MOVE ON. I NEED TO MOVE ON. I NEED TO MOVE ON. I NEED TO FORGET HIM. I NEED TO FORGET HIM. I NEED TO FORGET HIM. I NEED TO FORGET HIM.  HOW MANY DO I NEED TO SAY THIS TO MYSELF IN ORDER TO START WORKING?

THERE ARE DAYS SO MUCH EASIER THAN OTHERS BUT IT'S ALWAYS SO HARD. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO FREAKING PERFECT? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO ATTRACT SO MANY? I HATE IT AND I LOVE IT. I MOSTLY HATE IT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M WRITING THIS POST, EVEN MORE IN CAPITALS, BUT I'M SO FREAKING MAD AND I FEEL LIKE SAYING A SWEAR WORD, BUT I WON'T. AND I MISS HIM SO MUCH. AND I FEEL SO POWERLESS. AND I WANT TO BE WITH HIM. I WANT TO HUG HIM. I WANT HIM TO BE ONLY MINE SO MUCH. AND I WANT ONE OF MY NIGHTDREAMS OR DAYDREAMS TO BE REAL. AND I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY. AND I WANT TO FORGET HIM. AND I HATE MY HEART FOR ALWAYS CHOOSING THE WRONG GUYS. WHY CAN'T I LIKE SOMEONE WHO LIKES ME BACK. I LOVE HIM AND I HATE HIM. I MOSTLY LOVE HIM, I THINK. WELL, I JUST DON'T KNOW. I DON'T WHAT PEOPLE SAY IS LOVE, BUT IF THIS IS IT, I DON'T LIKE. I DON'T WANT IT FOR ME. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

LOVE ALWAYS,

TOMMY

Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Mama bear :3

                        
I think I spend too much time trying to fullfill other's expectations on me.This realization came kind of nowhere, I was just think about everything and everyone and at exact time nothing, when this thought crossed my mind and after spending a little bit focusing and wondering on it, I realized is legit. Achieving other's goals to myself was always easier because if I didn't, I had no responsability on it, This year was different though, I came to the Uk to achieve my goals and I don't have others to blame if I don't achieve all or any of them. The ideal 'Tommy' is over. She's now fragile and as guilty as everyone else for her actions. I have this most troubled mind, I can't stop thinking and overthinking everything. Thoughts wanders all day aroung my mind, either random negative stuff  ' how people would react to my death? Who would really miss me and who would fake it? or where the Gypsies etny has started? Do they have a country of their own? or just creating random explaction for the most common behaviours. All this, I think to cover the big whole in my life of not having family and best friends close. I listen to lot of music, I don't like the silent and I do exercise, and spend entire afternoons in the library reading and sometimes late night, I order fast food.
I don't quite know the point of this point. I know we are only a month and few weeks to the end of 2012 and I want to actualise myself for 2013. Create a new identity, full with new friends, new forms of happiness and goals. I don't want to forget anyone and I don't think I ever will, they're all under my skin, especially my family and my best friend Dave, but I think they're all moving on with their lives and I should do the same. It's not that I won't have them with me, I just have to learn to live far from them. Life's a journey where the learning is the key to find short cuts and avoid suffering and agony.
Anyway,moving on, below are the best photos last saturday when Stephanie and I alongside with a few Stephanie's pals celebrated her 8th birthday. I believe in my easy touch with kids therefore I can say fearless, we all had a blast! Obviously, they had more than I did. My momma bear instinct was alert and I unfolded myself into many to keep my eyes and arms on everybody. No one dies in my command lulz.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

That wasn't me.

This is another exquisite song by Brandi. She's the queen of raw songs.
This songs reminds me of the many times I was afraid of what could happen to my dad, where he was or what woud I do if he needed me. All the the times I felt embrassed. This songs illustrates as well how he felt during that time for the pain he was unconsciously causing. Whatever I saw then, that wasn't him. It was the addiction leading him to the most rough path. Addiction is strong enough to separate familes for a while, but not strong enough to destroy them. Happily, my dad was strong enough to get rid of it and move on with his life and join his family in a happier path. It was late for him and my mom to get back together, but it was not too late for me, my sister and my brother and him restart. It took some time and a lot of pain, but he finally did it and I couldn't be prouder and thankful to God for it. Whatever I'll see now, that will be him.

There are milion similars cases in mostly all families throughout the planet.
If you're going through something like this, my advice to you is to remember that familes stick together no matter what. So, do not give in to despair, do not give up on them, Do not give up on yourself.

Love always,
Tommy

PS. I truly believe music is my addiction. I spent all my day with my headphones on and I change my  mood according to the music I'm listening to. I don't think is such a bad addiction but I do have to moderate it though.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Nobody said it was easy...No one ever said it would be this hard

I'll be posting something more decent tomorrow but for now, these photos and this song.
Yesterday was such a marvellous day, I got to spend the day with these two adorable kids and a few more and even though the tiredness of my weak body and the money spent on it, it was worth every second and every penny of it, because of the smiles and squeezes I received back. It may sound lame for somes, but for me, that's quite enough.
Today, for some reason my disturbed mind, ran over the memories of Portugal and how badly I miss everything: my family, my best friends, my earlier life, my earlier age. I wish they were here or I was there, but in any way, all together.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

You know we have is separate ways

You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we have is separate ways

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

*Charlie Tango*

Hello strangers!
Well today I finally organized myself a little bit and wrote down everything that needs to be done by me before December, the 31st of this year.
Well, from it, my conclusion is that November is going to be THE WORST, PURE HELL. I've got so much to do and so little time and patience. Honestly, I don't have a single how I'll manage to cope with all that.
The good news is that I couldn't wait for no longer so I bought the 2nd and 3rd book ebook version of the trilogy I told you yesterday about. I've started to read the second book today already. It is SO exciting. I'm thrilled to see how the story will develope. Nevertheless, here lays my problem, I eager to read and spend all my day gobbling and enjoying this fabulous book but I can't. I have school work and others stuff very urgent to take care as well . Thereafter, I decided I'll read the book only at night, after midnight and while I'm on the train or bus, which is actually enough time to enjoy a good reading. So, in the meantime, this is a problem solved.
Because I don't have already too much to this month (I'm being sarcastic! today I decided to join to my time another thingy very special and that I was looking forward since 17 and a half. When the right time has come, I'll let you know what it is, if you haven't discovered already ;)
What have you guys been up to?

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

"We aim to please, Miss Steele."

It is impressive how moody I've become over the years. Yesterday, I was fairly happy, jumping of joy, spreading my happiness due to this very pleasurable beginning of University in the UK. And today, I miss feeling a single thing, not even sadness or anger. I just don't feel. Not feeling is a scary feeling and honestly I fail to know how to explain because this a first to me.
Moving on, today the good news is that I've finished to read the first book of the trilogy Fifty shades of grey. Isn't really that awesome finishing a book. I just want to share with you about this one. I completely loved it. In many more ways I thought I'd love. It's not the amount of sex parts that makes it so enjoyable, honestly I got a bit borrowed of reading the sexual act explained in so much detail, so I skipped some of these parts. What really captivate me in this book was the story (OBVIOUS FACT), which is so unfamiliar from common love stories. It's an esxquiste book, but a surprisingly good writing and a captivating story. I intensely reccommend it.
I intend to start reading the 2nd book, tomorrow or Friday. I still have to buy the ebook.
How are you guys doing? Hope fine.
Laters, baby!

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

yeeeeey!

Heeey geeeekiess! What's up? Just to share my happiness of receiving my very first Excelent in England. It's A-MAAAAZING. I'm so happy.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Many people find me weird and hard to please. In my opinion, here's why!

I don't drink coffe
I don't drink tea
I don't drink coke
I don't drink anything with alcohol
I can't eat an entire burger by myself (only cheeseburgers but no chips)
I can't eat two slices of pizza without feeling self conscious
I don't have a favourite meal
I generally enjoy fruits
I generally enjoy salads
I'm generally to lazy to buy fruits or salads because I always think I won't feel satisfied only with it when I actually do.
I feel guilty when I eat something I shouldn't
I feel guilty when I watch a movie I shouldn't
I feel guilty when I dream about someone I shouldn't
I feel guilty when a swear word comes to my mind and I feel like saying it and I don't find another word to describe what I'm feeling
I feel guilty when I act like a stalker
I hate when someone ignores me
I hate when I pretend to ignore someone I truly care about
I hate washing dishes
I hate failing at anything, I don't know how to deal with failure
I hate loving a book too much that I can't sleep before finishing it
I hate missing people
I hate having the feeling I am smothering someone - sometimes I think I am smothering my friends with my nostalgic attitude.
I hate not having plans
I hate not meeting a requirement
I hate not feeling pretty enough
I hate not feeling skinny enough
I hate not feeling smart enough
I hate looking like black spot in a photograph
I hate feeling less than other gurls
I hate pressure
I hate feeling lonely
I hate buses
I hate airplanes
I hate awkward silences
I hate when I can not think fast enough
I hate the colour stigma - balck people should date only black people, white people should only date other white people. and the list goes on.
I hate when people can't characterize a black person without saying they're black. When I refer to someone white, I don't start saying they're white. I just highlight characteristics features of their body, language, personality.
I hate when people think because I'm dark skinned I must behave like others from my race - that's a racist assumption!
I hate mornings.
I hate groceries shop
I hate being too different
I hate feeling attracted to someone I have shot with
I don't like blonds - boys or girls, I don't have good memories from blondies. I hate their superior attitude.
I find guys with the dorky appearence hot
I like intelligent guys
I love God
I love reading.
I love talking to myself out loud
I love dancing free style, no boundaries, just moving according to the rhythm
I love being asked to dance with someone
I love hearing compliments
I love singing
I love karaoke
I love trains
I love knowing entire lyrics from a song I love
I love when a song I love reflects my spirit
I love music
I love when someone special saying something special to me
I love feeling unique and special
I love hugs
I love nights
I love full moon's night
I love going to the cinema
I love going out just to dance
I love children
I love to help
I love finishing something
I love fanta
I love shopping online
I love to present people
I love making people feel special
I love Christmas
I love travelling
I love clearing my ideas with music
I love spicy prawns
I love ordering food online - I hate paying for it :p
I love new clothes
I love making new friends
I love my mother
I love my sister kika
I love my father
I love my brothers
I love my lovely cousin Stephanie ( Happy Birthday Puccaaaa! I love you too, always)
I love my uncle Dede
I love my best friend, Dave.
I love Friendas (they know who they are)
I love my oldest and eternal buddy Nini
I love my geeky bud, Leote
I love my best auntie, Zinha
I love my cousin and buddy, Bruna
I love my church best buddies: Isaa and Luana
I like everyone who ever said or did something nice to me
I believe in marriage
I believe in happiness
...

As you can see, I might don't eat, drink, like a lot of stuff, but there plenty more I love.

Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

So give me your forever, please your forever... not a day less will do from you

That's what we all wish for, isn't it? Having someone to whom give our forever, not a dat less will do.
As all Ben's songs, Forever is exquiste, fit everyone in every possible situation.
Though is a slow song, isn't sad. On the contratry, it's a very inspiring song. Makes me wish and dream. Perhaps someday, I'll find someone who trusts me and who I can trust enough to give to each other ours forever, forever.

Not talkin' 'bout a year
no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore
forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

People spend so much time
every single day
runnin' 'round all over town
givin' their forever away
but no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

Like a handless clock with numbers
an infinite of time
no not the forever found
only in the mind
forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Omgoodness, this is SOOOO true!

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Many people call it many things. I like to keep it simple: love

Isn't life funny?
Yesterday, my sister and I were fighting about who should stay with the largest room in the new house and today, well today, we're still fighting, this time about who should hang up the phone first.
We're atlantic apart. And it's such a big distance, you know. So far...
She's living in a hot country, facing temperatures of over 40 degrees and trying to create a new chapter of her life where she and the guy she decided to marry some day, are happy.
And I, I am supposedly living the dream, analysing criminal's behaviours, having my own money and house, paying my own bills, doing every big decision I need to take, you know, everything by myself and living in a bloody mary cold country were only temperatures below 0 degrees are accepted. Such a huge difference. Precisely the opposite. I am claiming my independence to the world and she's showing to it that love can literally move mountains. So if you think is real, you should just follow it, no matter where it takes you. Silly? maybe. But you do not know until you try.
Bloggers, you may have to power to make your own decisions, to follow a certain path, but you have no power, absolutely NO POWER, when it comes to the consequences that will follow your decision. You have no power to decide your destiny. You just go with the flow and hope for the best.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Are you ready to see my tricks if you don't treat right?

Heeey peeps!
It's Halloween! I loove Halloween! The costumes, the dark side, the sweet treats and the mean tricks
Anyway I really enjoy this day and even more now here in England.
The reason I'm writing at this moment is because I twisted my left foot and it really hurts and I can't walk so my Halloween plans were all cancelled.
But only for you guys, here's a snapshot of my costume. It's supposed to be a vampire version John Lennon.

Happy Halloween folks!!

Love always,
Tommy
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

# skype power! #

I'm trying not  to think a lot about my sister, nevertheless the idea of not seeing her for over a year keeps spinning in head. I'm gunna miss her sooo much :') I'm just too depressed bout it. I wish I had a friend with whom talk to :c

Changing the subject, here's a mash up I did a while ago of the first skype session me and my mates've done.

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More

Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that.”  The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I guess I should say good things once in a while and stop this trend of negative feelings but I don't feel any better.
Don't feel bad for me I'm used to this. From time to time, I feel this way. Deep inside I think I never stop feeling this way, luckily sometimes I have more important stuff covering it, which is good I think.
When I was little I used to go my momma's bed and lay down there right close her waiting for her asleep and warm hug and then the whisper: 'it's okay darling, try to get some sleep now'. 
Other times I just ran onto my sister's bed and she'd say something different but with the same goal: 'Always the same Tomazia. All right, you can sleep here but try not smash or push me out bed, okay?', I just nodded and we both fell asleep in less than a minute and she'd eventually, fell out of bed .
I've always had them right there to make it okay, so being such a weirdo was never that bad. 
Now, though they're still with me, they're fairly more distant and have to fight my own demons and battles what's becoming a major concern of me. I dunno what, but there's definitely something really wrong with me. I'm just too different in every single way imaginable. It's okay to be different but maybe if you're too different there's something repressed  in your unconscious mind since your childhood that is keeping apart from the world, according to Freud. I have to figure out what's wrong with me and get rid of it and maybe someday I can just fit naturally and maybe who knows find my happiness there.


Love always,
PS. Just finished my 3rd reading in two months. This is really a record to me. And this last book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, has turned my favourite of all times. I can really relate to Charles. I feel the same way he does. If you are looking for a book to read, I recommend this one. xxx




"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Tommy.

Read More

Sadness is sad...

Heey peeps! I feel very ashamed for my undenial and unreasonable absence since I came back to England and therefore I come onto you all, my beloved bloggers who follow me worldwide, to apologise. I've been going through a lot lately and though I do have time to write and I don't have any inspiration to add to your lives.
My life's a mess, my emotion overwhelmed, my goals apparently unreachable and I didn't see a point in writing.
Uni has started for over a month now and I haven't made a friend. I'm still living at the same place as before with the difference that I now I share it with a rat. Yes, that's correct. I have a rat as a roommate. Long story short, I saw a rat a few weeks ago in my apartment, I obviously overracted like a little girl then made myself enoughly strong to go after it, couldn't find it anywhere in the house but I'm sure it's arround making fun of me, that stupid bastard!
Besides that, I have been looking for a job, unfortunately nothing has appeared but since I'm incredibly tight with money, I have no choice but keep looking and hoping it will show up asap.
I'm driving crazy with my grandma and her stuff to do. During my entire life she never cared about and now expects me to do all these stuff like I owe her something. The truth is that I have repressed feelings for my grandma for things that happened in the past, I don't quite forgive her yet, but I won't bring this subjet to discuss now. And even with this not-so-welcoming past, I still want to be nice and help as much as possible but she is difficultating my life and I need to get some distance from her otherwise I might do or say something I don't want to.
My sister's going to Brazil next week what means that I won't be able to see her so soon. So, great!
I spent a lot of money in something very stupid so Im kinda tight.
For all reasons above plus my nostalgic inner personality, I'm feeling depressed and I can't get in mood to study since last Friday what is not good since I'm full of assigments to hand at the end of this week and beggining of next month.
I miss my best friend like hell. I miss my mommy and my daddy's security. I'm so sad my best pal, my sister, is not going to spend Christmas with me when I miss her companion so so much.
I kinda have to go to the gym because I haven't been going lately but I'm way to lazy to it.
Anyhow, Im gonna start doing something now and hopefully I'll say something later this week.
Sorry for not bringing good news.
See y'all next time
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado

Read More