Don't have much time to put into this, so here it goes. I want to come back as soon as possible to Portugal. I cannot and will not stand seeing my family fall apart. I have to be there to make sure, some of us survive. I have to be there.
My brother is getting worse or I'm finally seeing him for he really is. It sucks thinking that he's been lying to me all along. I am quite easy to fool. I believe in everyone. I always give them the bloody thumbs up whatever they do. I never lose my faith. That's why people fool me. Including the ones I love more than my own life.
I don't know where's brother heading with this all. I want him to stop and look at the damage he's causing. It's a caos. Everyone's suffering, specially my mother. She's the one suffering the most. I don't want her to suffer anyone. She raised her kids with a cook/chef wage. Do you know how freaking hard is to do so? With no financial help from anybody, not a single penny from my father or from my grandma who loves to claims she helped my mother raising us. She did nothing. No, wait. she probably screwed my childhood. I remember everything she's done to me. My mind hasn't erased a single thing as time passed by. I've forgiven her, but now I realise she never deserved my forgiveness.
I don't know who to trust. Everyone somehow keeps letting me down.
My life's a mess. My head's a mess. God, please, just give me so freaky PEACE. I want to be able to sleep at night with no worries. I want my old life back....
PS. Some people drown their sorrows in alcohol, others in coffe or pills or drugs or chocolate, anyway multiple objects of consumption. I, well I study instead. Yup gonna focus on something I don't particularly enjoy, which is anatomy, and drown all my sorrows in there, until I'm too tired to think of my problems....
"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado
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