when you decide to follow your dreams, you realise there is always something to lose in the way. If you're lucky enough, it's not yourself.

I cannot believe that the person people are describing to me is my little brother. It cannot be him, he would not do things as they are saying. He's sweet and fragile and needs me to finish doing his homework tonight. He's gentle and funny and likes to see me laugh. He loves learning new stuff and jog with me on Saturdays' mornings. He likes to hear me talking about my day and tells me about his. He likes his life. He doesn't like when I cry. He doesn't make me cry or disappoints me. He takes my advices and likes to take good care of him, of his body, of his mind, of his soul. He doesn't lie and always uses the money I give to him to buy sweeties. That's not my sweet little brother.

Okay, I just wanted to say this first. Actually I've written it last night and never got to post. So here it stays. I woke up this morning feeling somewhat better. To sleep is the best to do sometimes. It takes your mind out of your problems, for moments. I woke up feeling some extra energy to fight. To fight whom? that's the question. I'd say myself. My impulse to protect my brother. My impulse to stay. My impulse to give up on everything, I've done so far....My last couple days were HELL...my guess is that by my posts you probably already noticed. I was feeling like crap you know, a powerless, stupid, fooled and lonely, completely alone crappy me. However, today I decided to stop myself from feeling. Not love, not shame, not fear, not disappointment, not anything about anyone. I don't even know if today will be the last time I'll be seeing my brother for a long long time...Do you know how big that is? Don't you dare telling me that I'm overreacting, I'm capable of going right now to your house and kick your damn ass!!! Okay, I'm going to stop writing now because I'm not feeling okay again. There's so much rage, sadness in my heart. I really needed a hug right now :(

Later today, I'm back to wintery England.

Love always,
Tommy

"Façam o Favor de Ser Felizes" - Raul Solnado